Most individuals who have experienced the nightmare of childhood sexual abuse have, at one time (if not countless times) heard the hateful phrase “get over it”.
This attitude comes from people who cannot deal with the victim’s trauma- for whatever reason. Some common ones are:
1. They are abuse victims themselves who have never had the opportunity to cope with their experience;
2. They cannot fathom the thought that this could actually happen-and think the survivor is exaggerating for effect (think of all the people who are still in denial of the Holocaust);
3. Some small-minded people have warped jealousy issues and cannot deal with the “sympathy” they perceive the victim is vying for;
4. The perpetrator is actually someone they know.
Regardless of the listener’s reason, it doesn’t change the fact that the victim was indeed violated in a most heinous manner- one in which they will never really “get over”. That is the truth of the Monster under the bed called Childhood Sexual Abuse.
Wounds heal, but scars will always serve as a reminder of the incident- forever. Most people are fascinated when someone shows up with a surgical scar of such magnitude that the wearer cannot hide it. “How horrible that must have been”; “how strong you are to have survived it”; etc. Most cases of sexual abuse do not leave a visible scar that makes for interesting dinner conversation. These scars lay deeply ingrained inside the survivor’s mind, heart, and soul.
Trust.
After the trauma has faded into a distant memory, the one element that is crucial to human development is still left tattered and torn. Most victims of childhood abuse suffer at the hands of a trusted adult. Whether that adult was the parent, relative, or friend of the family, the sacred bond of trust between adult and child is broken.
This may seem self-evident, but dare to look a little closer. In our society children are helpless- they must depend on a caregiver for food, shelter, and love. How scary it must be to be forced to depend on the very people whom you are afraid of. A child’s mind stereotypes, they cannot distinguish a “good” adult from a “bad” one. It is a classic case of Stockholm syndrome. The child either subconsciously recognizes her helplessness and submits…becoming a clingy, people-pleaser; or he goes the opposite direction and shuts down, building up a wall between him and the world.
And here is the dark cloud to this scenario: the child grows up.
The people-pleaser becomes promiscuous, and why not? She learned from an early age that her body is what makes those whom she is depended on happy with her. The closed child becomes delinquent, why should he trust any rules set by the enemy- adults?
Is there a silver lining to this tragic phenomenon? Absolutely. Unfortunately there is no “cure-all”, there is no “fix”. You cannot make a broken soul new again- but you can mend it.
To be continued...
For more info: The picture is a still video from a Dutch Public Service commercial. It is extremely intense, but it truly drives the point home. Here is the link to the video:
Dunkelziffer Tentacle
Comments
The Let Go...Let Peace Come In Foundation is a newly formed nonprofit with a mission to help heal and support adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse worldwide. We are actively seeking adult survivors who would be willing to post a childhood photo and caption, their story, or their creative expressions to our website www.letgoletpeacecomein.org. By uniting survivors from across the globe we can help provide a stronger and more powerful voice to those survivors who have not yet found the courage to speak out. Together we can; together we should; together we NEED to stand up and be counted. Please visit our site for more details on how you can send us your submissions.
Thank you for everything you do!
Gretchen Paules
Administrative Director
Let Go...Let Peace Come In Foundation
111 Presidential Blvd., Suite 212
Bala Cynwyd, PA 19004
Miss Korenek, you brave soul, to have survived such abuse as a child, to have been a teen living on the streets, and to have made it out and risen like the phoenix, reborn. I commend you, and admire your confident strength.
Got something to say?
Examiner.com is looking for writers, photographers, and videographers to join the fastest growing group of local insiders. If you are interested in growing your online rep apply to be an Examiner today!