If you have an 11 year old he or she knows all about Jaycee

AP Photo/Noah Berger

There are few stories as horrific as the story that is unfolding before our very eyes about Jaycee Dugard who was kidnapped eighteen years ago. The expression "a parent's worse nightmare" is overused but we can all agree that what happened to Jaycee is exactly that.

I was wondering just what (if anything) to say to my 11-year-old daughter about this when she heard me mention it to my husband (I was NOT discussing details, just the girls' name). My daughter said, "Oh, I know all about that. I've read about it on the internet and saw pictures of what she looks like now."

This was especially surprising since I had not even seen those pictures. But I don't know why any of us should be surprised. There are few things more media savvy and aware than an 11-year-old in today's society.

So what do we say to our kids? Well, here are few expert opinions. You can pick and choose the ones that work for you and your child. But one thing everyone agrees on--if you say nothing, you are shirking your duty because your kid knows and he or she has questions. So please, do talk to your child abou this.

Remind your child that this is a highly unusual case: According to the Talking with Kids website, unlike adults, children (and some adults) are unable to gauge the actual risk factor of an event. In other words, the news focuses on the unusual and rare and that's just what this case is.

(By the way, you can read some pretty scary statistics on kidnappings but according to Christopher Beam in Slate.com a journalist who specializes in sorting through statistics, the actual annual number of children kidnapped in the "traditional way" (by a stranger) is about 850 kids. According to the US Census, in 2000 there were about 48 million children 11 and under in this country. That gives this event a .0000171 chance of happening. Childhood abductions have been declining for years--it's just the media coverage that has increased.)

Briefly cover safety rules but don't over-do it: This might be a good time to remind our children of all the safety rules we have in place: the usual of not going with strangers and never believing someone who says something bad has happened to her entire family. But it is probably not appropriate to over do this conversation as a little prepartion can make a child feel safe but a lot can make her neurotic. As Lenore Skenazy says in her Free Range Kids blog, "Preparing for very unlikely events is impossible — it’s like preparing for the possiblity of being hit by a frozen turkey through the car window while you’re driving on the expressway. Yes, that is something that really happened, at least once. But should you live your life always watching out for flying turkeys?"

Listen, listen, listen: Let your child express her fears. Let her express them all and thoroughly before you jump in to reassure her on everything. You might be surprised by what she's really afraid of. It might be a particular part of the Jaycee story or it might be something unrelated but it's worth knowing so you can help her deal with her fears instead of subsuming them where they can flourish like a mushroom in the dark.

What you say and how you say it is up to you. You are the mommy and you know your child best. But please, don't say nothing on this topic because as we head back to school this fall, this story is definitely in the minds and on the tongues of our media-savvy kids.