Stay at home dads (Sahds) and mothers (Sahms) love their job. Spending time with their kids is a reward unto itself, far and above money from a 9 to 5 job.
But there are times when it gets lonely, and they long for adult interaction. Because they are better social net-workers, and there are more of them, Sahms tend to find it rather easy to find companions for " play-dates" and coffee socials.
Sahds are extremely disadvantaged. Although there is some dispute in the numbers, there are less than two hundred thousand full-time Sahds, as judged by the US Census, compared to over five million Sahms. Counting dads who work part-time out of the house, while watching the kids, experts estimate the numbers jump to a couple.
Until recently, unless the Sahds were invited to the tea social (and their wives let them attend), they had nowhere to turn for companionship. Enter on-line websites like AtHomeDad.org and Dadstayshome.com. The sites are run by Sahds for Sahds, single dads and curious wives.
Both sites, and others like them, offer the dads a chance to socialize with each other, and talk about issues that face them, including loneliness and isolation. Dr. Aaron Rochlen, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Texas, says loneliness and depression are very common among all men, for which they rarely seek professional help, and they lack the social network shared by women. In addition to his teaching duties, he studies Sahds and their roles in the family.
Last week, he spoke at the 14th Annual At-Home Dad's Convention in Omaha, Nebraska. Speaking to Sahds from across North America, Rochlen said the reason for more men joining the Sahd ranks is simple: as women continue to join the work force, many of them make far more money than their husbands. And just like generations before them, these parents believe, that having a parent at home to raise the kids, is a better choice than daycare. Married to a medical doctor who earns far more than him, Dr. Rochlen is currently taking six months off to be a Sahd with their first child. He says that the growing trend is changing how Americans view the traditional role of men providing for their family. For generations, it was never questioned that Sahms provided for their family in ways other than earning a paycheck. Now that view extends to Sahds. "Besides," he indicated, 'it is now cool for dads to change diapers," and cook for the family.
The convention was arranged by a group of Omaha and Lincoln, Nebraska dads who socialize on the AtHomeDad.org website, in addition to having adult and child play-dates with each other. The site has a myriad of regulars who communicate about issues like role reversal, sexless marriages, dealing with divorce and fun outings for the whole family. The dads who live in other cities, also use the site as their meeting place to arrange play-dates for themselves and their kids.
The Dadstayshome.com website appears to have a larger group of participants, but they are more geographically spread across the US. Thus the site is more of a social outlet, rather than a social calendar organizer. They discuss manly stories, swap recipes and their reviews of the latest movies, and talk about issues facing their marriage. Some of the dads have participated on the site for well over 5 years and have grown to know each other like brothers. And they clearly love their beer, judging from all of the beer smilie faces at their disposal.
Another site for Sahds to consider is DadLabs. The site is sponsored by BabyBjorn and deals with all issues faced by dads, regardless of whether they are Sahds, single dads, or just working dads involved with their children. For an interview with Dr. Rochlen on the DadLabs website click here.
It is clear that these websites recognize Sahds are here to stay. And it is clear that BabyBjorn recognizes a growing trend. Perhaps other advertisers will join them.
For a related article on the convention click here.
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