For those wanted to know what the script is for the LSJUMB pregame show for today’s game against Oregon, I have the answers. In a deal reached with the Stanford band, I will publish the scripts for the pregame and halftimes shows for those that have trouble hearing the PA system at the stadium. Here is the pregame show courtesy of the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band.
Pregame: OREGON TRAIL SHOW
Intro
And now, back from killing 675 pounds worth of squirrel meat, it’s The One The Only The Truly Incomparable Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band!
1.
Back in 1990, the band visited the state of Oregon. Unfortunately, we offended the state's loggers and were promptly banned. Since then, we’ve forgotten how to get back, so we dug up the only instruction manual that could show us the way- 1985’s version of
Formation: Covered Wagon
Song: "Golgi Apparatus" by Phish
2. Spare Time
The first thing you'll need to succeed on
Formation: Leg -> Drumstick
Song: "Down to the Bone" by Cold Blood
3. Inappropriate Names
The next thing you'll need to make your journey is a list of inappropriate names- not just for you, but for every member of your team. When little Billy dies of Typhoid, it's sad, but when little Adolf dies of Dysentary, it's hilarious! Future parents, keep this in mind when naming your children.
Formation: Cross -> Tombstone
Song: "Birthday" by the Beatles
4. Hunting
Now, we all know that the best part of going to Oregon is the guiltless hunting. Don’t worry Oregon, we won't kill any Spotted Owls- we can't find any. Besides, we only hunt the animals that matter: buffalo, deer, and duck. Forget spare parts or extra clothes, the only supply we need is ammunition.
Formation: GUN->FUN
Song: "Hell" by the Squirrel Nut Zippers
5. River Crossing
When you travel to Oregon, every couple of minutes you will have to cross a river, which really is a nice way to say every few minutes your oxen will drown. A piece of advice: just as in real life, if you use caulk too often, everyone in your party will die. But then, maybe we’ve just had really bad luck.
Formation: DROWN -> FROWN
Song: "Yellow River"
6. Reaching Oregon
And finally, after enduring countless hardships and losing most of your family, you might be lucky enough to reach warm, sunny Oregon, where, according to the state website, you’ll find fly-fishing, quick unemployment benefits, and the second largest slug in the world. We hope it was worth it.
Formation: TRAIL -> FAIL
Song: "Welcome to the Jungle"
Outro
We hope you find the opportunities you’re looking for in Oregon—we, meanwhile, would rather just stay home. You've been watching The One The Only The Truly Incomparable Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band!
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