For those wanted to know what the script is for the LSJUMB halftime show for today’s game against Oregon, I have the answers. In a deal reached with the Stanford band, I will publish the scripts for the pregame and halftimes shows for those that have trouble hearing the PA system at the stadium. Here is the HALFTIME show courtesy of the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band.
Halftime: BLUNT BEHAVIOR
Intro
And now, back from telling our parents that our bye week was just a phase, it's The One The Only The Truly Incomprable Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band!
1. Cain
Polite society requires a measure of subtlety from its members- the pen is mightier than the sword and all that. But we in the Band would like to salute those who throw subtlety out the window and say or do whatever horrible things are on their horrible little minds. Yes, we would like to salute... the blunt. Take, for example, the Biblical Cain. Cain, as you probably know, killed Abel. His communication methods were blunt, sure, but rest assured, his knife was not.
Formation: CAIN -> PAIN
Song: "Hard to Handle"
2. Nero/Caligula
Power turns people into jerks, and jerks are notoriously blunt. You need look no further than the Roman emperors for proof. Caligula could have said he didn't find republican government particularly effective; instead, he made his horse a consul, and then used its vote to sell his sisters to a brothel. And, as it turns out, his difficulty with subtlety had a genetic component. Caligula's grandson, Nero, was a notorious pyrophile. In a fit of a passion he set Rome aflame, and rode a fiddle solo to a thundering climax.
Formation: Flaming Chariot
Song: "Final Countdown"
3. Napoleon
Every man approaches being direct in his own way, and for his own reasons. Instead of saying he objected to his neighbor's new fence, Ghengis Khan tore it down and set the yard ablaze; instead of just paying his alimony, Henry the 8th beheaded his wives; and Napoleon, instead of politely asking England not to make fun of his height, conquered Europe and made England soil its pantaloons. Yes, Napoleon really put the dick back in dictator, but as blunt as he may have been, he was nowhere near as blunt as Russian winter.
Formation: BOLD -> COLD
Song: "Tear the Roof Off" by Parliament
4. Everyman
But we all know it isn't only the leaders of countries who shape destiny- it's the guy who tells his wife her pants make her look fat, without being asked, the guy who farts and bravely declares, "I dealt it!" the guy who sees his boss's new org chart and tells him exactly where to stick it. Thank you, everyman, for being direct, and we hope you enjoy being dateless, friendless, and jobless.
Formation: Thumbs Up
Song: "Gay Bar" by Electric Six
5. Oregon
Recently, our esteemed opponents, the University of Oregon, had a small tussle after a football game. We could bore you with the details of their he-said, she-said dustup, but all that's important for you to know is that certain parties messed up and are very, very sorry. And while normally, we would politely disagree with their actions, sometimes you just have to be blunt and punch subtlety in the face.
Formation: U of O -> U of OW
Song: "Brooklyn" by Youngblood Brass Band
Outro
Join us next time when we stave off budget cuts by selling pictures of a unmasked Oski to the tabloids. Until then, you've been watching The One The Only The Truly Incomprable Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band!
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BIGGEST GAME ON THE FARM SINCE...
Comments
Thanks for posting this. Other than introducing the band, I can never understand what the idiot MC of the band is trying to say or what their skits are. I think they're a waste of time, but I give them credit for their wackiness.
What an embarrassment to the University...even most esteemed Stanford alums I know hold this opinion.
The announcer is hard to hear, but some of us out there in the old fart section really do laugh at the jokes.
And, get over yourself 'Pac 10 fan', the poorly executed high-school formations of the other conference bands are the real embarrassment. At least the Stanford students are having a good time out there and making people laugh.
Heh, clever show (or at least punchline at the end). Too bad I can't ever hear the announcer...
Dave, keep posting these transcripts! Guys in my dorm wish they knew what was being said.
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