For those wanted to know what the script is for the LSJUMB for tonight’s game against Arizona State, I have the answers. In a deal reached with the Stanford band, I will publish the scripts for the pregame and halftimes shows for those that have trouble hearing the PA system at the stadium. Here is the HALFTIME show courtesy of the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band.
Intro
And now, back from our rejection for ASU transfer, it's The One The Only The Truly Incomparable Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band.
Astronauts
Earlier this month, President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in a highly controversial decision. This past May, ASU wisely refused to award Obama an honorary degree. And it's a good thing they didn't- they came dangerously close to having a Nobel Laureate in their alumni network. Of course, Obama isn't the only person ASU has not graced with a degree. Did you know that not a single astronaut has a degree from ASU? ASU has taken the lesson of Icarus to heart and forbidden their students from flying too close to the sun. Besides, reach for the stars and you might burn your fingers.
Formation: Rocketship
Song: "Peace of Mind"
Internet
You know who else never received an ASU degree? The people behind the internet, of course. Why would any reputable institution want to be a part of the massive time-waster that is the internet? From Yahoo! to Google, Cisco to HP, these companies do absolutely nothing but deliver useful services to consumers for reasonable prices.
Formation: ;-) -> :-(
Song: "Arco Arena" by Cake
Golfers
So, if ASU hasn't given degrees to Barack Obama, Astronauts, and Internet moguls, then what are they, bums? No! For two reasons. 1: they can afford beer, and 2: they love golf. ASU is the home of such names in the golf circuit as Phil Mickelson! And... Howard Twitty, Tom Purtzer, Anna Norqvist. Can any other school boast such a stable of well-known and successful golfer alumni?
Formation: TIGER -> WOODS
Song: "Ruby Soho" by Rancid
Supreme Court Justices
Y'know who are real quitters? Supreme Court Justices. Sandra Day O'Connor quit because she wanted to enjoy her family. William Rehnquist quit the court because he quit breathing. And Anthony Kennedy quit wearing pants to court as soon as he became the swing vote, just because he can. What kind of school would want such quitters as their legacy? Certainly not a place with a 56% 6 year graduation rate!
Formation: Gavel
Song: "I Want You Back"
Stanford
And what do they have in common with all the other people I've mentioned today? From 18 astronauts to the Father of the Internet Vint Cerf, from 2 sitting Supreme Court Justices, to more athletes, businessmen, engineers, and educators than you can shake a stick at, they all found an education they could be proud of at The One, The Only, The Truly Incomparable Leland Stanford Junior University.
Formation: Block S
Song: "Come Out and Play"
Outro
Thanks for watching the Band's special homecoming half-time show, with a special reunion staff. Your drum major has been former Harvard President Derek Bok. The Dollies are Jennifer Connelly, Sigourney Weaver, Kerri Walsh, Kerri Strug, and Dianne Feinstein. The show was written by former presidents of the US, Peru, and Honduras Herbert Hoover, Ricardo Maduro, and Alejandro Toledo. I've been your announcer, Ken Kesey. And we've been The One The Only The Truly Incomparable Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band.
OTHER ARTICLES:
Comments
Classic, as always!
That was about the most classless display I've seen out of Stanford. I guess it's about the level of class you'd expect out of a bunch of sheltered namby-pambies whose daddies buy them new beamers once a year. As an ASU and Berkeley alum, I'd be ashamed if either of my schools let their marching band bring them down with a public display like that. What a disgrace!
BTW, try writing one of those cute halftimes for the big game. See how your alums stack up against those of Berkeley. We may have a lot less daddy-bought beamers around campus, but you know I can't find Stanfurdium on the periodic table. How about that.
Wow, that's actually pretty funny, I wish I'd stuck around for the halftime show instead of heading back out to my tailgate. Thanks for the scripts Dave!
Hey Nick, is the reason because Stanford's national physics lab studies subatomic particles that get names like the "tau lepton"?
I always thought Stanford had some class. This halftime show made me significantly less sure. It's one thing to be proud of your school and its accomplishments. It's totally another to jeer and taunt another school for not being as "incredible" as one of the top ranked schools in the country.
I'm not saying Stanford is not a better school than ASU; that would be a pretty ridiculous claim. I'm just saying that I would hope that such a prestigious and highly accomplished university would be able to show school pride without insulting others.
I hope Stanford University and its football fans are ashamed of their reckless and incredibly rude marching band. They really are an embarrassment to what is undoubtedly a fantastic school.
With that Kal and Asu background, I'm not surprised you can't find anything!
Too bad Tiger Woods didn't actually graduate from Stanford...
Way to lose the respect for your "amazing" University
My guess is that any reference to "Tiger" will be missing from future Stanford halftime scripts. :)
Sun Devil's might be missing the fancy pedigree that Stanford Alum's have, but at least we can't lay claim to potentially the biggest laughingstock on the face of the earth. :)
Perhaps now Stanford's band will show a little more humility and respect for opposing schools.
Got something to say?
Examiner.com is looking for writers, photographers, and videographers to join the fastest growing group of local insiders. If you are interested in growing your online rep apply to be an Examiner today!