Warriors' season quickly spiraling out of control

The Warriors’ season is only fourteen days old, but the team is already beginning to resemble a kindergarten class room. Everywhere you turn, there’s something going wrong, a new fire to put out.

Things have gotten so bad that they can’t even properly enjoy a win. Immediately following what’s likely to be their biggest victory of the season, several Warriors announced Monday night that they want Stephen Jackson sent packing sooner rather than later.

Given that the franchise is being navigated by General Disarray (Don Nelson) and Professor Chaos (Chris Cohan), better days don’t appear to be anywhere on the horizon.

While it’s only been two weeks, Warriors fans have already experienced months’ worth of embarrassing moments:

- Jackson openly proclaiming that Sacramento’s Tyreke Evans should win Rookie of the Year, despite the fact that teammate Stephen Curry is one of the best rookies in the league.

This is a chance for Curry to really establish himself in the locker room, and he needs to show his teammates that he won't back down.

A few suggestions: Curry could proclaim that Jackson will never be as good as Allen Iverson when it comes to poisoning his own team, or that pound-for-pound, Ron Artest is the best fighter of fans in the NBA.

If Curry doesn’t fire back at Jackson and establish himself as a locker room problem now, it’ll be that much harder to arrange his own escape from Golden State in a few years.

- Jackson's agent putting Nelson on blast, making personal attacks on the Warriors coach in an attempt to expedite his client’s trade.

Now, Mark Stevens knows full well what happened to Baron Davis, Chris Mullin, and so many others that Nelson decided needed to be eliminated. So if you know that Nelson is the Suge Knight of basketball, why even risk mentioning his name publicly?

Don’t be surprised if Stevens wakes up tomorrow morning with a bloody, deflated basketball in his bed.

- Against all that is good and holy, Garry St. Jean now factors prominently into Golden State telecasts as a studio host. The Warriors have proven once again that no organization in the world has a better grasp on what their audience wants.

St. Jean’s awe-inspiring appointment begs the question: how can the studio host possibly take anything he says seriously?

"Garry, the Warriors really need rebounding help this year. You ran into this same problem as G.M., and you were able to fix things by throwing $83 million at Danny Fortson and Jason Caffey. So in your expert opinion, how do the current Warriors get back on track?”

- Nelson apparently refuses to reign in Corey Maggette’s shot selection, going as far as saying “the guy with the ball is the boss”.

Of course, Nelson said this as he used a hundred dollar bill to wipe Mullin’s blood off his solid gold pendant which reads “The Bo$$.” There is no bigger boss in the organization than Don Nelson. Even Cohan is afraid of him at this point.

The only good that can come from this is that Curry now has a catchphrase to yell at Ellis and Jackson the next time they pout over not getting the ball enough.

- Ellis chewing out Anthony Randolph for not knowing where to be on the court. When you're being chastised for hurting the team by a guy whose moped accident ruined an entire season, you've really got problems.

What’s even worse is that Randolph doesn’t play often enough to get chewed out. Unless you're Stephon Marbury, it’s generally pretty hard to infuriate your team if you’re riding the pine.

- Andris Biedrins, Golden State’s one constant in terms of performance, attitude, and attendance, is now hurt. He went down with an injury last week, and his condition worsened in Sunday night’s game.

Biedrins needs to take a few games off and spend as much time as possible in his customized hyperbaric chamber/tanning bed. The Warriors need their garbage man properly rested and properly orange.

- With Biedrins out, Nelson now has an excuse to use Randolph at center, but he’s also forced to use Mikki Moore for significant stretches of time.

Moore's career needs all the help it can get, so why not just start throwing his snakes out of a bag at midcourt? That move alone kept Jake “The Snake” Roberts relevant for over a decade, despite being overmatched physically.

Moore what it takes to be successful; he just has to want it.

- Run-TMC getting the band back together for a jersey retirement…in Miami. Things are going so well for Warriors fans, even their few positive memories are being turned against them.

When Baron Davis gets his jersey retired at the Phoenix bar where he spent his 29th birthday, expect a similar scene with Ellis and Jackson in attendance.

And the worst part of this young season? At 2-4, the Warriors are only one game better than the Raiders, who are led by a quarterback having one of the worst seasons in NFL history.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. Tom Cable may in fact be outcoaching Don Nelson.

Maybe the St. Jean days weren’t that bad after all.

The Oakland Sports Examiner.