What does spirituality mean to modern men?

Searching at the Sea

Look into the eyes of many men and you will find a soul trapped by past and modern stigmas of what has been thought to be correct behavior. As I work each day in healing and light work in the greater Portland, Maine area, this has become increasingly apparent. It is also becoming visible as a grand theme in the sadness of war, whether overseas or right in our own neighborhood.

Men have historically been labeled through religion and militarism as being warriors, beaten and shaped in to tough as steel exteriors by virtually thousands of years of a non-peaceful planet. Given the role of provider, warrior, and sacrificial combatant without feelings of personal needs that beg for balance and compassion, some are lost in a great lie.

When it comes to expressing heartfelt feelings, men often find resistance from peers and even spouses. Pressures of ancestral programming behaviors and beliefs have been ingrained so deeply, that some women even share them. Not that this is true in all cases however, just that in all honesty, at some point or another most of us men have been shamed for emotional showings that involved our inner most feelings. We are expected to love our spouse or partner, our children and families, without expression of anything other than support, love and hard work. When faced with challenges that bring out the inner ‘demons’ of vulnerability that lie within, buried under thousands of years of distorted masculinity, most choose to suffer in silence. Reasons ranging from preconceived judgment, a real threat to our safety, inabilities to connect to the pain or sadness that lurks beneath the surface of ego or countless others are the culprit for keeping us mum.

In his book The Hidden Spirituality of Men, author and religious-spiritual teacher Matthew Fox says;

“It is no secret that men are in trouble today. From war to ecological collapse, most of the world’s critical problems stem from a distorted masculinity out of control. Yet our culture rewards the very dysfunctions responsible for those problems.” Also stating; “One of the best kept secrets of our culture is that many men are deeply spiritual and care deeply about their spiritual life. It is a secret, however, because it is hidden – sometimes, even from the men themselves.”

In the Preface he poses the question: “Why have men, to greater and lesser degrees, “hidden” their spiritual lives?” He follows with an extensive list. Here are just a few of his;

•    Because Western culture is still a dualistic patriarchy that values thinking over feeling, material wealth over spiritual, scientific fact over intuitive knowledge, men over women, and heterosexuals over homosexuals.
•    Because men are rarely rewarded, and often mocked, for openly expressing their deepest feelings of joy, sensitivity, and pain.
•    Because men, who are “not supposed to cry,” learn to hide their grief as well as their joy.
•    Because our culture more often rewards men for their extroverted rather than their introverted sides.
•    Because an “original sin ideology” makes men doubt their beauty and right to be here, and the teachings about God as a punitive Father create a toxic, punitive role model.

This book could be for some an eye opening, superbly researched “manual” of sorts for men to find within themselves the words to define the inner landscapes of almost unknown terrain. However, keep in mind that getting the most out of anything we read comes down to taking what works for us, and leaving the rest.

For a very different perspective with some mutual connotations, check out AskMen.com's take on Men's spirituality. The article is well written and has goods points, backed with some documented research. Although AskMen.com claims it is geared towards 'helping, educating and entertaining' men, most of it is done from the perspective that the above is talking about and as their title states; Power and Money.

If and when you are beckoned to find that spark of inner fire that calls from within your heart, don’t give up. Seek out and find groups, healers, religions, synagogues, meditations, yoga, outdoor groups, or whatever you feel matches the thirst inside of you. You owe it to yourself.

What do you think of men openly expressing emotions and spirituality?

"As it is above, so it is below" - from the Emerald Tablet of Hermes Trismegistus. Meaning that, as we do within ourselves we also do to all that is without (outside) ourselves. Or, as we create within our minds, we also create in the cosmic mind.

"Big is a matter of perspective, remember this when facing the mountains of the mind" - Samuel Strickland ©