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Some kids have disabilities such as autism or cognitive delays that may cause problem behaviors. Although the child may not be able to control the behavior, we as parents and caregivers can.
In the Friday edition Arizona Republic there was a letter to the editor complaining about parents who allow their children to throw tantrums in public without intervention. On Sunday there was the rebuttal I expected. A man wrote in to say his grandson throws tantrums because he is autistic. His defense was one I hear too often: "He can't help it. He's disabled'
It seems to me if a crowded public place is so overwhelming an autistic child has a meltdown, maybe he should be kept away from such environments for his own good. It's not a pleasant situation for him much less for the people around him. Autism might be the cause of the outburst but that doesn't explain why he isn't removed from the situation causing him to act out.
Several years ago I was in a store with my mother who was in her 70s with severe osteoporosis. I looked up to see a girl about eight years old in a wheelchair headed right for her. The girl was holding herself awkwardly and clearly had little control over the chair. Her eyes were rolled up in her head indicating a vision impairment. With no time to give a warning, I stepped in front of her and put my foot out to stop the wheelchair. Her mother was immediately in my face yelling at me for daring to interfere with her child. Her defense: "She can't help it. She's disabled."
She admitted the girl couldn't control the wheelchair well. Was a crowded store really the best place to learn? Why wasn't the mother watching to be sure she didn't run into anyone? If the girl had knocked my mother over and broken her hip, it would have been little consolation that "she can't help it."
A woman in an online support group for kids with neurological disabilities once posted a tirade against her dentist. She had brought in her son for an exam and he had bitten the doctor quite badly. The dentist got angry. The mother's defense: "He can't help it. He's disabled."
Her son had a history of biting. She hadn't bothered warning the dentist because he should have magically known the kid was a biter. In her mind it was the dentist's fault for being not accepting a child with disabilities.
So what about Maria's own behavior problems?
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