An Interview with Annie Fox

Annie Fox, author and tween/teen guru, has recently published a new book in her series called “Middle School Confidential.” Like many of her books, this book series helps readers navigate their way through the pitfalls and tribulations that comes with being a tween and/or teen.

What’s in these popular books? According to her website: “In addition to comic-strip narratives illustrated by Harvey award-winner Matt Kindt, each book contains quizzes, quotes from real teens, insider tips, tools, and plenty of online and real world resources.”

There is even a Leader’s Guide that educators can download for free that can help facilitate discussion and use of these series within a classroom or therapy group session.

The comic-strip nature of these books is why kids so easily read them. This is especially true for boys who are stereotypically not enthusiastic readers. RayRay*, a 19 year old, says of these books, “I’m addicted. I know I’m technically too old for them but they do still have real life issues that I can relate to as I’m still in high school. I didn’t even realize at first the lessons I was learning until a particular situation came up and I knew how to handle it. I remembered where I had heard the answer before.”

So what does this have to do with special needs kids? Well, even special needs kids struggle with issues that neurotypical kids struggle with. Just because your child has challenges doesn’t mean he or she won’t face these matters as well. Or perhaps because of his or her challenges, he or she will face these issues constantly and these books might bring comfort and knowledge.

Annie Fox recently answered some questions about herself, her books, and kids today:

Q: How did you get started doing this type of work?

I’ve been an online adviser for tweens and teens for the past 12 years. I get email questions from kids around the world who need help with friendship conflicts, problems with parents, self-esteem issues, the Boyfriend/Girlfriend Zone. Pretty unusual job, I’ll admit. People often ask “How’d you ever get into that?” It was as a direct result of my husband David dragging me, kicking, screaming into the Computer Age in 1976. In 1977 we opened the world’s first public-access educational microcomputer center in San Rafael, CA. For me, the substance of my work has always been about kids and their social/emotional development. Though the form has definitely changed over time I’ve always either worked directly with kids or created content for them (plays, stories, CD ROM games, online games, curriculum, books, websites.) David and I launched my teen website in June 1997, that led to books to help teens understand themselves better, seminars to help parents understand their tweens and teens and teacher training. I love to talk and so whenever someone with a microphone invites me over, I go.

Q: What is the most challenging aspect of dealing with educators, teens and parents?

While I find the work I do with parents, educators and teens to be very different, I wouldn’t say that it is “challenging” as in: “Wow, getting through to these people is really hard!” That doesn’t come up for me. I’ve been a teen, the parent of teens and now an educator who works with teens. So it is fairly easy for me to take each point of view and to share perspectives across the spectrum. I’d say that is probably one of my strengths... The ability to help parents and teens, for example, see things from the other’s point of view. I’d say the same is true for my ability to share parents’ perspectives with teachers about the challenges of being a parent and the concerns about academic progress and future success for their children. When I write for tweens and teens or reply to their email questions or speak to them at a school assembly, my challenge is to connect with them where they are emotionally, socially and psychologically. My goal in those situations is, first and foremost, to present myself as an adult who gets it. I talk to them with respect and I listen to them with empathy and respect. It works!

Q: What's the most rewarding aspect?

Knowing that something I’ve said or written has improved a family situation or a friendship issue. That feels great! In fact, I can’t imagine anything more rewarding than knowing that you’ve used your skills, talents and compassion to help someone sort through their feelings, understand themselves better, [and] make a healthier decision moving forward. I love the work I do!

Q: Some of the stated goals on your website include teaching teens to reduce stress, increased self-awareness, and emotional intelligence skills. Have you found that these skills are lacking in teens today and why do you think that trend has developed?

Poor stress management skills coupled with the reality of living in the 21st century create a great problems for parents and teens. People who are stressed are not operating in the moment, with a clear-thinking brain. During those times we are, for the most part reactive rather than reflective... So there goes self-awareness and emotional intelligence! I talk a lot about why 21st century kids need 21st Century parenting (vs. the kind we got growing up). And stress is a huge factor. The world is a noisier, faster place and the omnipresence of media is changing childhood. I’m talking about the marketing messages bombarding young kids to be “sexy.” I’m talking about the social digital media that doesn’t give them a moment’s peace from the social drama of middle school. I’m talking about parents who are stressed and not as emotionally available as their kids need them to be. I’m talking about the pressure schools put on students to perform on tests without offering much in the way of fostering a love of learning. I’m also talking about the unrelenting homework load and after school schedules that have robbed kids of time to dream and robbed families of time to just be.

Q: There recently has been some buzz about how "grown-up" teens are and how tweens are developing early as well. However, counter to that, parents do more and more for their children (i.e. making all their decisions, completing the child's chores, etc.) which seems to extend that child's childhood. Teen years are a necessary age to go from childhood into adulthood. It's a prepatory age. Why do you think there is such a disconnect between tweens and teens developing earlier but being less responsible than teens in previous generations?

Many parents are totally caught up in a very narrow definition of “success” for their kids. In many case, parents over-function and end up raising under-functioning young adults. By that I mean, young people who have never mastered age-appropriate life skills... Like doing their own laundry, managing their own finances, meeting the basic criteria for being an adult. They aren’t prepared in part because their parents never expected them or taught them to do these things. When we as parents lose sight of that fact that raising a fully functioning young adult is the #1 objective of parenting, and instead we continuously do for them what they need to learn how to do for themselves, we give them a big fat vote of no-confidence in their ability to do things on their own. That’s exactly the opposite of what they need from us.