The mother of an 8 year old autistic boy killed him and attempted to end her own life. Gigi Jordan, 49, and her son, Jordan Michael Mirra, were found in a Manhattan hotel room Saturday. It is thought that prescription pills were involved, according to DNA Info and The NY Daily News. The question: why a mother, devoted to her child would do the unthinkable? Was it an outside motivator, a breaking point, or did she believe she was keeping her son from living out a life of torment? Was the situation really that stressful?
Perspectives are relative to the person, the nature of the autism a child is living with, and certainly outside factors. Obviously, not every parent of a special needs child, autistic or otherwise, find themselves at such a turning point. Most parents who will never reach such extremes, know all that is not said. To say the life of a special needs parent is overwhelming, stressful or “trying” would be an understatement.
Many people don’t know the life nature of the special needs parent (SNP). How the things that can be overwhelming to the parent of a typical child are the “usuals” for a SNP. They have to be. There are therapists to schedule and coordinate, multiple arguments with insurance companies, paperwork for programs, school projects to complete that can take two days longer to complete than the average (if the child’s participation is even possible, leaving many parents to do the projects themselves). Proper socialization, medicines to coordinate, binders of behavior records, nutrition and medical history. Specialists to solicit, IEP’s goals to consider, research, equipment to order and fit, home therapies to integrate, doctors, doctors, doctors. Add siblings, the needs of a spouse, forget the needs of the main caregiver, and the stress is unfathomable.
Further, some parents may not even know if this is the morning they wake and their child does not. The day they’ll have to rush to the hospital, reconsider an order to resuscitate or a feeding tube insertion. Will they be able to take their child home today, after months of ‘living’ in a hospital? How many times will their child hit them, kick, bite, punch or pull their hair; and will this next medication end the child-to-parent beatings? Yes, being a SNP can be debilitating.
As parents, we all need the support and understanding that we may not ask for, but so desperately require. You may discover that this understanding comes by way of other SNP. Yahoo and Google have diagnosis-specific and general parenting groups, as does Mile High Mamas, Moms Like Me and Cafe Mom, among others. You can open or use your existing Twitter account and reach out to other SNP. You can even meet other parents in your child’s school or therapy group, or make a quick connection with the parent next to you at therapy, and the struggles are said, reinforced, supported and understood without ever being spoken.
Pointing out the importance that all parents reach out to anyone who might understand their similar plight cannot be emphasized enough for one of the most stressed groups of people in our county, state, country. Special needs parents, all parents, need hope that a day will come that is brighter than this, full of promises of possibilities. Reach out. Don’t allow the struggles to become inner tortures; turn them into a positive and support another parent by helping yourself.
Do you have an article idea, a resource or other information you’d like to share with the special needs community? Email me at GinaStAubin (at) comcast (dot) net.
Related Information:
First Things First-A series for special needs parents
February Parent Training Opportunities
DNA Info
The NY Daily News
Comments
Oh Gina. Tough story to share but people need to know what it is like to be the parent of a special needs child. Thank you.
Finding people who understand and who don't judge are very important in getting through something stressful.
What a sad story. I'm sad that she felt so alone, so stuck.
@Terri Fraracci @Lori: Thank you both for your comments. It is very difficult to ever explain the intricacies of being a special needs parent. I'm not sure that there is enough time to write it all down. Thank you both for taking the time!
'Reach out' you say. Ha. Yeah, I tried that. Tried to reach out and help local autism 'support' organizations. When I mentioned vaccines, I was censored, threatened with arrest, and ostracized.
The piper is going to be paid. Too bad it's the innocent children who are taken.
@Robin~ That, honestly, is a shame. There are two major sides of the coin and sometimes one side refuses to have anything to do with the other when it comes to autism. The arguments for either feeling of how and why autism has developed are strong and held fast because the people most precious to us are the ones effected.
Sometimes getting support and giving help does not have to be diagnosis specific. I, myself, have forged close bonds with people who are not in my "group". It's the bigger picture of being a special needs parent that brings us together.
Kudos to you for trying. It's what's in your heart to do the best you can to help others that matters.
I was mortified when I read this article. I can't imagine how difficult it is to raise a child with a disability like this. My son has ADHD and that can be grueling at times.
I would like to let you and your readers know about a blog that I subscribe to.
Lindsey Petersen is a 50+ mom of 5 kids with disabilities. Her blog is called Raising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane Blog. I think that if more people knew about her blog there wouldn't be so many tragedies such as this one.
You can find it here:
5kidswdisabilities.wordpress.com/
I hope that this will help others.
Hugs,
Erica
I applaud you, Gina, for these articles, and what you does to help parents reach out to each other. You could very well be making the difference of life or death to someone who needs the support.
sorry for the "does" typo for "do".
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