Direct messages, otherwise known in the Twitter world as "DMs", started out as a helpful way to receive a private message so the tweet stream wouldn't get clogged with information meant just for a few people.
Now it's a breeding ground for spam (need any tooth whitener?) and automated welcome messages that don't exactly lend themselves to that warm and fuzzy feeling.
Email was invented for personal communication, and prior to that there was the telephone. Let's not even touch upon the brilliant idea of talking in person. That's from another era.
Every so often, I have the urge to reply to the stupidity in my DM inbox. Typically that happens when my hormones start colliding. However, my theory has always been a stupid remark deserves an equally stupid answer.
Top 10 Annoying Direct Messages
Thank you for following. If you’re a newbie on the internet like I am, I’d like to offer you my mentoring services.
Dude, you said you’re a newbie. How are you going to mentor me?
Thanks for the follow. Your tweets seem fairly interesting. I might tweet you back sometime soon.
I’ll be holding my breath. Good to know I’m fairly interesting. That’s quite a compliment.
Hi. Thanks for the follow me back. I’m actually looking for smart people to follow. Do you know any?
Actually, yes. But since you insulted me, get your own darned followers.
Thanks for connecting! We can be FRIENDS on FACEBOOK! MySpace! ANYWHERE!
You’re just too flipping eager, buddy. This isn't Internet dating, it's Twitter. Slow down.
Grateful for the follow. If you want to see what I really look like, click on my blog link.
I’m frightened.
Thanks for the follow. Looking forward to getting to know you better in 2009!!
Am I tired or is it 2010 already? Perhaps we could connect in 2011 when you change your automated message?
...and then there's the longest DM conversation in my history on Twitter. This was so priceless that it made up the final four of the top 10 annoying direct messages.
Good morning. I would like to recommend you for #followfriday. I am asking you to RT my tweet with your name in it.
But it’s only Wednesday!
I like to plan ahead. Interested? I have a long list of people I will have to turn away.
What is it you’re asking me to do? (thinking but not writing: Do I have to hurry and respond before midnight?)
When you see my tweet recommending you, put an RT in front and send it.
That’s how you cultivate followers?? (thinking but not writing: So,basically you’re using me.)
It’s OK. I’m withdrawing my request. Thank you.
No, thank you. This is why the "block" button was invented.
Comments
These are funny Cheryl. I get tired of the automated DM's too. When I say something to them (not private of course) I just mention them. Then I know if they are monitoring their mentions. I really enjoy ongoing conversations with people like that very funny Daily Blonde lady. :-)
Thankfully my rotating auto DMs didn't make your list.
Bahaha, love...
EXCELLENT. Great list, this just totally made my day!
I loved reading this! Your list should be placed in the twitter commandments, lol!
Oh, I like:
"HI, I read what you're doing and think we could work together, how about it?"
But...you're a real estate agent, I know nothing about real estate in Mexico!
and:
"Hi, I read your profile, we should be friends! What do you do for a living?"
Did you read my profile or not?!
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