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Not that anyone would care, but I broke a tooth this morning. I am actually amused that it is not causing me too much pain right now but I know it's only a matter of time. I do have a dentist appointment but they can't see me until Monday. It is only Tuesday and since I don't have the likes of Victor Newman from The Young & the Restless to fly in the best specialist for my dental issues, I guess I will just wait this one out.
My lousy situation just got me to thinking about all the things that NEVER happen on the soaps.
There has NEVER been one instance in my life where I have seen any player on the soaps dealing with any type of dental issue. They NEVER even brush their teeth on a soap but that is most likely because they almost BARELY or NEVER even eat on the soaps. While they may go out to dinner or attend a family barbecue, you NEVER see a soap character stuffing a burger at a romantic picnic or cutting up a delectable tenderloin at the hot restaurant in town that could potentially cause them any dental issues.
Basically, they just drink on the soaps and well, who am I to judge? I have had my moments when I love those amber colored liquids always ready in the crystal decanters I have all over my mansion. Hello?
Perhaps the lack of attention to petty details stems from the fact that there are way too many hot primary career physicians, nurses, lab workers and surgeons to go around on the soaps. Dental issues would NEVER come into play because medical professionals on the soaps deal with serious issues well when they are not having sex with significant others in supply closets or the morgue or something, but as far as my recollection goes, there has NEVER been a hot dentist on a soap despite the fact that all characters on the soaps have teeth to die for. Am I the only one who thinks that is strange?
"Things that NEVER happen on a soap" is a topic that continues to amuse me. One typically brushes their teeth in a bathroom, right? The only time I have ever seen a soap character even use a bathroom is when they rush off to do a pregnancy test, shave in front of a hot woman in their lives or go rushing off to the 'powder room' to have a chick fight.
I suspect I should just stop complaining about my broken tooth and sink my teeth back into the world of soaps. I need some of that amber liquid about now because this tooth is starting to hurt and do share one thing you have noticed that NEVER happens on a soap.
Comments
I've never seen anyone laugh so hard that food or drink comes out their mouth and/or nose involuntarily. Or drop food on their chest. I seem to do that all the time.
Great post, Mary, I needed a good laugh this morning! Good luck with the tooth.
Martha - you are too cute for words. Want to help me write a book called "Things that NEVER happen on the soaps?" It is my dream. Thanks always for your kind comments!
Mary
One thing that I always hear from fans is about those extended weeks or months that someone is being held hostage, in an attic, etc.
And that is, "When/where do they go to the bathroom???!!!???"
Mary, I'd love to help you write that book! I held back some of my coarser thoughts -- polite company, you know.
GL tried to do this sort of stuff when they debuted their much heralded "new production model." Characters paying bills, chopping wood, etc. It was really badly executed, though. I think characters could easily be seen doing normal things still in the context of telling a story, though, but considering the current state of most soaps, there are no writers out there who can tell a decent story.
Wellllll...on Guiding Light Olivia and Natalia do eat alot...but you do know what eating is a substitution for???? I'm just sayin...
Love your articles Mary! I hate the dentist.
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