My darling Claudia:
I have been watching over you and have been attempting to send you subtle messages which seem to have fallen on deaf ears at this point. I totally realize I am stuck inside a bubble while trying to sprinkle star dust in your direction but I do know what I am doing. I am now convinced you just don't get it. I just about used all my star dust message enhancing powder to force you to get it, but now I have to float back to the celestial spice store to replenish my supplies.
Remember when you told Sonny that you believed the birthday party he was hosting for you would change your lives forever? Darling, that was one of the subtle messages I attempted to send you. You obviously received it, but you failed to interpret it the right way. I had hopes for you my dear, but you continued on with your own agenda and failed to recognize signs coming from myself and my colleague known as the Mobster God. Unfortunately, Mobster God shops at the celestial bullet dust store and now it is simply a matter of time for you.
Claudia darling, put the breaks on this. Yes, while you may think you have redeemed yourself by helping Carly deliver her baby girl--you remember that little one who became sort of stuck inside Carly's birth canal ? You did an admiral job helping this innocent lenter the world to take her first breath, but frankly your actions after delivering this precious child just didn't cut it.. It appears as though you are now trying to run with this infant. What are you thinking and why would anyone in their right mind believe a six-pound hostage would be their way out of mobstersville? Jason will find you in the end darling.
Yes, you had a terrible childhood, and I understand that. Actually, I was rooting for you for so very long, but somewhere on your journey your judgment became clouded. I cannot save you at this point. Oh, and I just thought I would tell you that those mere mortals residing on planet earth who have been following your actions via their plasma crystal square boxes are already chatting about where they would like to see your ashes scattered. Here are a few ideas they came up with:
- Proudly displayed in an elegant urn on the mantle of your father's jail cell fireplace
- Floating in Carly's toilet bowl minus the Tidy Bowl man to rescue you. For Carly, it's all about the flushing.
- Gaining weight in Olivia's ashtray. Olivia doesn't smoke but will be happy to light up, never inhale and flick just for the chance to see you fat and dead.
- Inside a mobster ring Sam gives to Jason this Christmas
- On the cover of a DVD chronicling Sonny's Greatest Hits
Claudia darling, I tried to help you, but you failed to listen. I hope there is still a window of time for you to redeem yourself, but I do suspect this is impossible at this point. I just noticed the Mobster God floating by with a fresh supply of bullet dust. In the meantime, I will be collecting more ideas as to where your ashes should be scattered.
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