I began the week grousing because I realized I was about to reach another milestone. February 14. The third Valentine’s Day without a valentine. The third one alone. Another holiday without a partner. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years came and went for the third year in a row. A steady stream of days once shared with someone special. Each one came like a dagger.
The first year I simply boycotted all of them. Our house had always been the host house for big family gatherings. The thought of making Thanksgiving dinner and staring at his empty chair at our dining room table sent me and Aubrey running for refuge with friends in Tallahassee. For Christmas, I booked a cruise that departed the day before Christmas eve and didn’t return until some five days later. Aubrey and I spent Christmas day floating through an underground river in Xcaret, Mexico rather than face Christmas morning surrounded by the echoes of our past Christmases as a family. New Years? I couldn’t tell you what we did or who we spent it with. It’s a blur.
That first Valentine’s Day, Aubrey and I defiantly donned red and celebrated the night with my brother and sister-in-law at a place we all used to frequent before our lives were interrupted. Scott’s ghost still very much among us. So here we are. 3 holiday seasons out and here it is - Valentine’s Day. The day for lovers. Another painful reminder of what once was. I am san’s my valentine and I didn‘t choose to be.
But I must consider where I had been and how far I’ve come and in doing so I have to recognize the army of loyal friends and family that have supported me and Aubrey this far. When the road was too
dark, they provided illumination. When the path got too bumpy, they smoothed the pathway. When my table seemed too empty, they offered me theirs. When I lacked courage, they stood at my side and held my hand. Isn’t this love? Well of course it is. And it may not be the romantic love that inspires all those glossy Hallmark moments and all those jewelry commercials so common at this time of year but it is just as real and every bit as precious. Maybe even more so. So Happy Valentine’s Day to all of my Valentines. Chocolates, flowers and cards will never compare to the gifts and to the love you’ve given to me and to Aubrey.
Until next time - keep the faith.
http://xcaret.com/
http://www.hallmark.com/
http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-4093-Tampa-Single-Parenting-Examiner~y2009m3d4-The-widow
Comments