Tank Girl XXX-mas: The Lusty Ladies Take Over The Make-Out Room

The lusty ladies have done it again, this year giving San Francisco’s Mission District what it’s been wishing for all this cold, lonely winter: a room full of scantily-clad, buxom beauties hurrying down the chimney to heat up the dance floor. Sunday night’s Lusty Lady Annual Holiday Party kicked off at the Make-Out Room with DJ Lady O (an usher at The Lusty Lady on nights when she isn’t rocking the decks) armed with an arsenal of the best in dance, top 40s and R&B. The crowd soon piled in, an odd mix of average Joes, girls who like girls, bois who like girls, and curious couples who came to show their support for the country’s only unionized, co-operative peepshow.

The lusties’ invasion of the Make-Out Room was as thoughtful as it was thorough, from a roped-off, recession-priced lap dance area near the main stage to what can only be described as a bra installation dangling above the men’s room door in lieu of mistletoe. The bar was stocked with a full list of Lusty Lady specialty cocktails, such as “Trixxie’s Treat,” “Kitty McMuffin’s ‘World Famous’ BJ” and “Wendy’s White Panties” (which tasted suspiciously like a White Russian,) titles coined after several of the lusties in attendance.

At the merchandise table, pornographic ornaments (or “pornaments” as the lusties call them) hand-crafted by and featuring photos of the lusties in compromising positions sparkled alongside x-rated stickers, Lusty Lady tees and gutted and glittered stilettos (for use as ash trays, of course). Also on sale were raffle tickets for a number of creative prizes, including knitting, dance and self-defense lessons taught by a few of the multi-talented lusties themselves.

The night’s entertainment was as much on-stage as off, with a full program of bawdy to raunchy singing and dancing performances in store. Steffie Sue, an impish, dark-haired pixie with a voice like a siren and a tongue like a sailor, sung naughty songs on her ukulele including, “Santa Stalker Coming to Town” and “Blueball Christmas,” ending her set with what might have been the most indie cover ever attempted of Metallica’s “Fade to Black.” Dance performances by lusties Sweet Cheeks (who performed an x-rated lollipop dance involving over fourteen lollipops—we had her count to make sure) and Trixxie Carr, as well as a festive song-and-dance foray from SF’s own Sugarplum Elves, tantalized and entertained an eager audience.

The theme for the night was Tank Girl XXX-mas, an idea which at first seems to poke fun at the financial collapse but is in fact more personal to the ladies themselves. “Tank girl is more than just a riot grrl-themed post-apocalyptic punk character,” said MC Babylon Rising, a tall, pale lusty sporting a pixie cut, metallic bikini and fur hat. “[She is] a symbol of everything that lusty ladies are: irreverent, fierce, and we play by our own f---ing rules.” The girls at the lusty have indeed been playing by their own rules since the workers took ownership of The Lusty Lady back in 2003. Since then, the co-op has won titles from The San Francisco Bay Guardian and SF Weekly and was recently featured on Playboy.com as one of the top ten strip clubs offering more than just a lap dance. A $7 cover was offered to those XXX-mas attendees coming in “costume,” and the lusties wore fishnets, winter hats, and industrial-style lingerie for the occasion.

The carousing continued at the Make-Out Room well into closing, at which point attendees began to disperse, supposedly to their homes which were all, oddly enough, in the direction of North Beach.

If you missed the action on Sunday, you can catch the lusties where they strut their stuff at 1033 Kearny Street and Broadway in the North Beach District of San Francisco. The Lusty Lady offers anywhere between 30 and 70 different lusty performers any given month and is open 7 days a week, 24 hours a day with dances and private performances usually available from 11 a.m. to 3 a.m. Doors are open without cover charge to those 18 and older with valid ID.