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Now that 2009 is over we can all reflect on the scandals served up by our ever obliging celebrities and politicians. As always, these events should also be cataloged under “What were you thinking?”
Number 5: David Letterman’s affair and subsequent extortion attempt by a CBS producer. It reads like a bad movie script, which is ironic considering Joel Halderman (now the defendant) tried to couch his $2 million dollar “request” as selling Letterman the rights to a movie script about an older, married talk-show host who had and affair with a younger staff member! The losers are Halderman, who was arrested, and Letterman’s wife who was had to endure the humiliation of her husband’s infidelity in public. The lack of backlash against Letterman is probably due to the fact that no one is surprised an older man with power was having sex with a younger, attractive employee. Although Letterman also got an assist deflecting the headlines from his new best friend, Tiger Woods.
Number 4: Naked threesome video with Eric Dane (McSteamy), Rebecca Gayheart, and Kari Ann Peniche (former Miss Teen USA who lost her crown because she traded in her tiara for a Playboy spread). The three are naked and appear stoned in the video. The National Enquirer pointed out that Ms. Gayheart appears to be holding a crack pipe. The tape makes the list of scandals because the lovely Ms. Gayheart has recently reported that she is pregnant. Here’s hoping she has now opted for more baby friendly recreational pursuits.
Number 3: Tiger Woods. Ah, how the mighty have fallen. Once the very modicum of dedication to hard work and perfection, Tiger Woods’ true nature was finally revealed over the Thanksgiving weekend. Half the population felt sorry for him (all the cheaters or those who wanted to cheat) and the other half who felt duped by his facade. However, everyone wondered about his taste. Note to Tiger: women’s eyebrows are not supposed to be penciled on! Everyone felt sorry for his wife, Elin. Almost all his sponsors, except Nike, dropped Tiger: perhaps multiple sexual partners without a condom is just doing it?
Number 2: South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, who gave birth to the expression “hiking the Appalachian trail.” In June the good governor went AWOL from his constituents as well as his wife and four children. The lies snowballed and finally, when all was revealed, like a good politician he was canoodling with his mistress in Argentina. He ranks number two for being a cheat, embarrassing his family by calling his mistress his soul mate (keep that stuff to yourself you creep), and for using tax-payer dollars to frolic with said lady love. Hey lover boy, it's a recession!
Number 1: John Edwards, the cad that just keeps on giving. First it was the extra-marital affair, cheating on his lovely wife who is battling terminal cancer. But 2009 brought even more bad news for you John. First, the DNA evidence that you really are the father of Rielle Hunter’s baby girl (did all those years of suing OB/GYNs not help you to understand that unprotected sex leads to babies?). Secondly, we have to waste tax dollars on a Federal Grand Jury investigating allegations that you inappropriately used campaign funds to conceal your affair (although I am sure there are a few OB/GYNs who are considering this money well spent and may even be contributing to the prosecution fund!).
Who will surprise us with their sexcapades in 2009?
Remember, this column (especially this one) does not represent individual medical advice.
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