Not tonight baby girl: Top 10 reasons men don't want sex

 

"What's wrong with him? My man doesn't want to have sex. Don't all men want sex?" This is what one friend asked me the other day. That's a common misunderstanding and it's based on the mistaken belief that men are wired to want sex any time they can get it.

Here's a list of ten common reasons why men may not want sex:

1. Medications: Antidepressants (SSRI-type) and antihypertensives (blood pressure medication) are often the culprit when a man has a lowered interest in sexual activity. These can also cause sexual dysfunction. This is listed as reason #1 in my article "Not tonight, honey: The top  10 reasons women don't want sex. 

2. Lack of sleep: When a man is in his teens or twenties, the opportunity to have sex will often overwhelm the desire to sleep. This is often true also when a relationship is brand new. But, as people and relationships age, sex can lose its urgent nature and a good night's rest can be quite tempting.

3. Hormonal levels: The most important physiological stimulant of sexual desire is testosterone. Also, too much prolactin and SHBG (sex hormone binding globulin) can suppress sexual desire. So when a hormonal reason is suspected, these are the blood tests to have (in order of importance): free testosterone, prolactin, SHBG, and total testosterone. It's interesting because the same is true for women.

4. Identity issues: When men feel uncertain about their role in the world, their desire for sex can decline. Depression may be linked to this, and feeling overwhelmed with worry. Identity issues can crop up when he has issues at work or is out of work, faces the death of an important family member, becomes disheartened about a formerly held strong belief, and questions his understanding of his own sexual orientation -- to name a few.

5. Turn-off to aspects of sex: He may feel criticized or treated unfairly. It may just seem like too much "work." He may have sexual interests that he knows or fears his partner may not share.

6. Interpersonal difficulties: When there are major disagreements between themselves and their partner, many men will avoid sex or just plain refuse their partner's advances. Some men punish their partner by withholding sex, but for others it's not a matter of punishment, they just cannot have sexual feelings when there are unresolved conflicts.

7. Stress: Stress comes in many forms and may stem from: financial difficulties, personal or family member illness, challenges at work, parenting dilemmas, and issues involving extended family members. Of course, there are many more sources of stress. Stress negatively impacts women's sexual desire as well.

8. Masturbation: that replaces partnered sex. Researchers in this field found that many men who might not have sought out magazines, videos, movies, have found their way to porn online. For some couples, this can be a problem, because the man has spent himself on his fantasy instead of on partnered sex. 

9. Fear of intimacy: He's afraid to get involved with all the emotions that occur in a sexual relationship. He'd rather see you as a sister or mother and he can't have sex with his sister or mother. It doesn't feel right, so he avoids it.

10. Difficulties functioning sexually: Many men who have erectile dysfunction or believe that they ejaculate too soon,  too late, or not at all, will avoid having sex with their partner. They don't want to look like "failures" so they choose to avoid being sexual at all.

So ladies, please don't criticize, belittle, or make jokes about his manhood when he does not want sex. That will definitely wilt him faster than an ice-cream cone melts in August. If you understanding the above causes can help you improve or remove the problem altogether.