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Although some parents – and their kids – seem understandably anxious about having the good old birds and bees talk, the truth is that the very act of having that conversation may be one of the most important aspects of child-rearing, and, unfortunately, may be your best bet for making sure your offspring have access to the important information they need to make healthy decisions.
One great resource for parents on the topic is the Parents' Sex Ed Center at AdvocatesForYouth.org
According to Barbara Huberman, RN, MEd, Director of Education and Outreach for Advocates for Youth, parents who act on the belief that young people have the right to accurate sexuality information are parents whose teens will delay the initiation of intimacy and use contraceptives when they choose to become sexually active.
There's been a lot of hubbub in the press this week about a controversial new "Pleasure" pamphlet from Britain's National Health Service that dared to suggest parents and educators ought to speak frankly about sex, sexuality, and even some of the nitty gritty about orgasms and masturbation with their children (see a good discussion of this news over at SFGate.com), and just about any effort to provide comprehensive and sex-positive information about sex issues to young people is met with political resistance, but the truth is that parents can and should begin the work of communicating about some of these issues right from day one.
If you've convinced yourself that abstinence-only sex education – or worse yet, abstaining from the conversation altogether – is the way to go, well... good luck with that. After a period of decline, the stats for unwanted teen pregnancy rates and the spread of sexually transmitted infection among youth are now on the rise, roughly coinciding with the era of federal funding for abstinence-only education programs, according to new research from the Centers for Disease Control. Um... whoops? Since you've managed to find your way to this article, I'll assume you're looking to prepare yourself to provide some better information to the young people you are responsible for.
I'm recommending the resources at the Parents Sex Ed Center because they are truly comprehensive, acknowledging that communication between parents and children that promotes sexually healthy youth should begin at birth. The various guides break down some of the physical, cognitive, emotional, and, yes, sexual development milestones for each age group discussed, starting with Ages 0-3, with tips for helping children develop healthy sexuality at each stage of development.
Sex Ed for infants? Absolutely: The work of sharing your values as a parent and helping to develop a trusting relationship with your children begins at day one, as does helping them develop healthy understandings about anatomy and gender differences, body image confidence, appropriate physical contact, the distinction between private and public behaviours, and the sense of personal empowerment that will help them to say no to unwanted touch and inappropriate sexual advances. And, while you'll obviously want to use some age-appropriate discretion in answering your kids' questions, be prepared for them: They're going to have questions about things like pregnancy and the birth process, starting at an earlier age than some parents are prepared for.
Rather than attempting to break it all down here, I'll defer to the work that's already been done by Advocates for Youth. Start with their Growth & Development pages for materials aimed at parents of Infants and Toddlers, Preschoolers, Grade Schoolers, Preteens, Teens, and Adults, then check out the outstanding links to Advice from Experts on topics including sexuality and Internet safety, contraception, body image, LGBT sexuality, and sex education for students with special needs.
After you've clicked around a bit, make sure to end with the article on Parents as advocates for comprehensive sex ed in schools: The overwhelming majority of parents in this country want their children to receive "comprehensive, medically accurate, age-appropriate sex education," yet we have allowed a small but outspoken minority to ensure that they don't. Make sure your local school boards, parent teacher associations, school health education committees, and politicians know where you stand!
As a Parent You Can Become an Advocate by:
Learning what your school offers in sex education
Acknowledging that sex education is a life long process and that parents are only one of the primary sex educators of young people
Supporting honest, balanced sex education that is comprehensive and that includes education about abstinence and contraception
Knowing what training your child's teachers have had in sex education
Knowing the official school system policies on sex education.
Sarah Estrella, the new Sex Education Examiner on the Education channel, also writes as the Sex & Relationships Examiner on the Relationships channel here at Examiner.com. If you enjoyed this article, don't miss her previous reporting on Sex Education, Condoms, and Safe Sex. Please subscribe to this column to have the latest Sex Education headlines delivered to your email.
Comments
Wow, that's a tremendous resource link, and a great tip to start early. I wonder how many of those parents and teens would be dreading having to have "The Talk" if it was something they'd been communicating about and treating as a healthy part of human development and parenting all along!
In my school, mid-90s, a lot of the opposition to sex ed in schools had to do with a battle over whether or not (or how) to address LGBT issues, and it basically amounted to all-or-nothing: Parents in my community would rather have had us receive NO sex ed than get anything with any mention of anything the least bit gay. Between my junior and senior year, 4 of my classmates, in separate incidents, chose suicide over coming out to their crackpot parents. I thank you for this article, Sarah, and I thank the Advocates for Youth for including some great resources for parents of LGBT youth on their site. The things you DON'T talk about with your kids are going to haunt you, and them. It's time to join the real world, people.
I thought the same Wow - what a great link. thank you
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