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Photograph by, Michael Schuessler 'Girls Girls Girls'
Hey Michael, I have a question for you....
This may or may not be your area of expertise but here goes anyway.
I was wondering... when you are in a relationship and your partner tells you that one of his fantasies involves being in a threesome.... (He has a girl in mind that he says has the “hots” for him). Does that mean he wants to have sex with her? To have my approval he wants it to be about all three of us. I don't know whether or not it is an excuse or if it is a genuine fantasy. Why would he choose a girl that he works with? Let alone one that has the “hots” for him? He even suggested that we try a threesome with another man and it would be just for me. Is that unusual?
~ Ruby
Montana
Ruby,
This is an area I am familiar with, so I can speak frankly about the inn’s and out’s of threesomes.
Almost all men have fantasies about 2 women and themselves; it’s a fantastic dream, and if it happens it can be mind blowing for all involved. Now, fewer men would allow their lover to be with another man and also be included in that threesome. But it all depends on that particular man’s temperament.
The key to threesomes is Communication, Setting Rules, the Dos and Don’ts and then adhering to them. Being safe in All-Ways and knowing that everyone is on the same page. You both need to be involved in the planning and the execution of it. It can only be about Playing… Sex, Passion and Experimentation, no emotional bonds should be built with the third person, keeping the intimacy between the both of you is very important.
“Intimacy is derived from communication and passion, the expression of ones feelings, and listening to those thoughts and desires from one another. The mind-blowing climaxes we look forward to, come from sharing our innermost secrets and desires, which then allow us to create them together.” ***
It only works if you both want it… but it takes trust! Lots and LOTS of trust. You must trust your partner and yourself explicitly or the relationship will be doomed.
So do not, for a moment, go into this lightly or do it because you only want to please him. You can only do this if you feel urge, and the excitement of the idea and you truly want to explore other people, sexually. If you have never entertained the idea, it’s probably better if it stays a fantasy. You have to want it as much as he does, PERIOD!
That being said…
The fact he is sharing his fantasies with you is a good step towards a more powerful and intimate life together. Although, from what you said, it may be he is trying to initiate something because he is attracted to this other person. I may be mistaken… but the fact that he’s trying to convince you with the temptation of another man makes me think of it this way; “If you do this for me… I’ll do this for you”… If this is so (and only you know deep down inside if this is true) do not make this a reality!
Lastly…
If you are as excited as he is, and you are going to entertain this idea, I do not believe that starting this type of sexual exploration, with someone that is in his work place is a good idea. It makes it too personal and the only way a relationship can survive this type of experimentation is to keep it strictly “Play” (No emotional ties). Jealousy is a strong emotion and believe me, I do not care how level headed you are, if you know that he is working with her on a daily basis you’ll be wondering what they talk about when you are not around, etc. This can destroy all of the trust you may have built up for each other.
Again it matters what your temperament is and doing something that isn’t within your character could create a lot more Tension than Passion.
Let your heart of hearts be your guide, if you really feel it, go for it! If not keep it real and keep it a fantasy!
*** (The Holy G-Rail) Smiles,
-Michael Schuessler-
“Changing The World One Orgasm ~ At A Time”™
Michael Schuessler, author of the sex and sensuality classic, ‘The Holy G-rail', Please visit his web site, www.theholyg-rail.com to see all the different forms of Michaels works of creativity.
If you have any questions, in the sensual or sexual arena of life please E-mail me. (Use an alias if you'd like to keep your privacy).
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