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A glass of wine, a bowlful of goldfish crackers and a just-finished-reading romance novel rests on my coffee table. You now have a perfect snapshot of how I spent an otherwise uneventful Monday evening.
I write this as the lust-filled haze of 18th-century London slowly fades from my mind's eye and I can't help but compare my own relationship partners with Burton LeBlanc III, Duke of Pemberton. Obviously, the imaginary duke is a master of a man with his exquisite horsemanship, romantic tendencies and ability to out "Alpha" any other who attempts to catch the eye of his heroine.
It made me wonder if a romance novel could be detrimental to a floundering relationship. Do certain women end the written fantasy by resentfully questioning their own partner's actions or is the book only a low-cost means to escape from reality for a few hours?
In the book "Finding the Hero in Your Husband", Dr. Julianna Slattery quotes, "For many women, these novels really do promote dissatisfaction with their relationships. There is a neurochemical element with men and porn, but there is an emotional element with women and these novels. I have met women who are addicted to these novels."
I certainly don't find myself picturing a romantic novel hero during the more intimate moments between me and a partner but have these books actually caused me to build an unattainable vision for the love of my life? Is it feasible to search for a man who is the embodiment of raw sexual power, has a testosterone-fueled competitive nature but also listens with a compassionate ear and turns into the patient lover when the need arises? I'd like to think so. I believe men like that actually exist.
In all honesty, I have to disagree with our good doctor. Those soft-core books only satisfy my need to pass a long flight or fall asleep a bit more easily. My failed relationships have not ended because of a comparison to a non-existent, perfectly coiffed member of royalty. They've ended because I realized my partner at the time wasn't meant for me.
I want to hear your thoughts on this.
Comments
I like your thoughts on "relationships" and how novels can effect someones feelings about their own relationships. Your right, it is mostly women who get addicted and create their own perfect fantasies which make them un happy with any "real" men. I have also knowdeced that when women see movies with men who are portrayed as "the best guy in the world" they tend to be nagging on their bf's or husbands more, trying to shape them the way they want them to be. :) Oh well every woman does it
I enjoyed reading this article, and I think it demonstrates remarkable insight into the minds of women. Keep it up, I look forward to your next article!
wow! I love reading your thoughts love. I know many women that are addicted to romance novels, but for them, it is an escape from reality, or a way to pass time. My mother use to be super addicted to them while I was growing up, but it never doomed my parents 33 years of marriage. (it actually helped teach her english....)
My ex use to say something similar about chick flicks, but he stated that it was a fantasy, and none of the BS was real...
I later found myself in a loveless relationship and was miserable.(comment started to make perfect sense now...selfish buggard) He dumped me 8 days after our 2yr anniversary....
I say all that to say this, hold on to what you know is true and dear to your heart. Kudos to you love for recognizing what you do and don't want out of a relationship. Life is too short to settle or deal with BS.
Now I am holding out till love finds me, I am no longer looking for love. =)
I liked your article. In my opinion romance novel's portray or fashion men into something they are not. There are not many men out there that measure up to fictional men in romance novels. So in my opinion, women preconceive how men are desired to be in novels and when their men don't measure up to them it dampens are scars the relationship between them. They are viewed as insufficient, incompetent subjects who then are faced with pressure from their women to change and become what they want. When the men fail to meet those standards, they're mentally and/or verbally "stoned" for their failures and labeled for it. (Eg: pigs who just want sex) However, men watching porn is just the same. They preconceive how women are when they're not. So, again in my opinion, ROMANCE NOVEL'S (Fictional Stories) and PORNOGRAPHY (Fictional Video's) are both damaging to relationships if the VIEWER is accepting the fictional portrait as being a reality. People need to learn to remember that they're watching FICTION and not to carry it into their daily lives because to do so is to set yourself up for disappointment. People need to change their views about the opposite sex and stop nagging, sizing up, labeling or just plain out degrading each other for their lack of qualities listing out by a fictional media.
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