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Many people are caring for a person who can no longer easily communicate their feelings or needs. This can be the byproduct of medical conditions such as Alzheimer’s disease or other dementia’s, Parkinson’s disease or a stroke.
An elderly person with dementia may be trying to interpret a world that no longer makes sense to them because their brain is interpreting information incorrectly. Sometimes the person with dementia and those around them will misinterpret each other's attempts at communication. These misunderstandings can be difficult, and may require support from outsiders such as the Alzheimer's Association or the National Family Caregiver support program.
Difficulties with communication can be upsetting and frustrating for all involved, but there are several ways to help make sure that you understand each other. This can be accomplished through speech, reading, music and touch.
Reading - Most people struggle to fill the time when they are visiting a person with dementia. They often talk & talk & talk hoping that something will ignite a flame behind the dead stare of their loved ones eyes. Author, Laura Bramly faced this issue with her mother who was suffering with vascular dementia and living in a nursing home. One day, out of sheer desperation she picked up a coffee table book and started showing her mom the pictures. At the end of the book her mom said,”again.”
Based on that singular experience and the inability to find a picture book that would be appropriate for a person with dementia she wrote ElderCareRead: Life Scenes 1. This wonderful celebration of life provides photos, words and exercises to help stimulate and encourage interaction between the reader & the older person.
Music - Another powerful communication tool is music. Music can be soothing and provide comfort for an agitated Alzheimer’s patient. Most dementia care communities incorporate a music program as an activity for their resident’s. Many folks in these communities have difficulty holding a conversation by they sure can sing! If you are using music as a means of communication, watch the person’s body language carefully to see if they are enjoying it, or should adjustments be made such as volume or style of music.
Touch - Physical forms of communication such as touching, hugging & hand holding can covey a strong message of affection. No matter what stage of life we are in a gentle touch or a loving hug can brighten our day. However, people with dementia can find touching and hugging overwhelming. If you loved one appears frightened or pulls back, respect that.
Speech – Speak clearly and ask simple questions. Try not to ask direct questions, this can cause frustration if the person can’t find the “right” answer. Use a quiet and calm tone and if the person does not understand the question try visual cues instead of repeating the question over & over. Remember they can hear you they just can’t interpret the words you are saying!
If you are getting little response from the person, it can be very tempting to speak about them as if they weren't there. But disregarding them in this way can make them feel very cut off, frustrated and sad. Make sure you do not speak down to the person or treat them like a child…no one likes to be patronized!
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Comments
I am involved in course work on the Feil Validation Method - www.vfvalidation.org ... and the various ways to communicate with people afflicted with dementia. I have been profoundly impacted by this method and encourage anyone, spouse, adult child, care giver, relative, child ... anyone who has someone in their lives with dementia to view the website and it's tips. Thank you.
Hi Jo,
Thank you for sharing this information with the readers. I would enjoy discussing this with you for a follow-up segment.
Patricia Grace
Great tips! I've heard that reading favorite Bible verses they knew well and singing favorite hymns and songs they used to know well can also be excellent at getting through to a beloved relative. If you're not sure what were their favorites, see if there is a Bible in their room or check their home, looking for one with underlining. Even seeing a favorite Bible like that could have a positive impact. :)
Very useful article. I teach this in my seminars. I’d like to share my experience with these concepts.
When working with residents (nursing homes) I like to talk about little personal things, i.e. new grandbaby, pets, my garden as a means to bonding with them I often bring photos to go along with the story. I pass them around and get lots of oohs and aahs.
The Magic of music (especially classical waltzes, marches and polkas even adagios) and dance are ageless. The elderly are transported back to a time of beauty, grace and romance. It has been found the part of the brain that processes music is not usually affected by Alzheimer’s or other dementias. However this only happens when residents or loved ones attention is drawn to it with verbal cues, eye contact, and body language. Otherwise it remains just 'background' noise that goes right over their heads having no affect. Neuro-muscular problems can also be helped when the person focus on the music rather then the mechanics o
Kaye,
Several years ago I worked at an assisted living community in NC and every Sunday a church group would visit the dementia care unit to sing hymns and read Bible versus. It never ceased to amaze me how many of the folks that were withdrawn all week would light up and sing those hymns like they did when they were younger adults in church with their family. It would bring tears to my eyes...I will never forget it.
Many years ago, when I was a nursing supervisor at a skilled care facility I had a fascinating experience using music w/ a moderately severe dementia patient. I'm also a singer, and was involved in a concert version of Porgy & Bess. One day, I sang to a particular patient using the melody from one of the chorus pieces - also singing her name. I was particularly fascinated by her immediate alert response to me--in sharp contrast to spoken attempts to communicate w/ her.
The problem is getting them to communicate with you. It gets almost impossible to figure out what they need when they are limited in vocabulary. It hurts, because you want to help and can not figure it out.
I agree, a person with dementia should be treated with respect, and love. You also need to realize that they are far more needy than a normal person becuase they have lost a great deal of themselves.
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