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Brothers and sisters, our homeland is a confronting a problem never before seen on the face of the earth.
But fear not countrymen, I have found das solution!
Historyum
The problem of our homeland begins with a war-ravaged economy, and we fight a two-front war my friends. Fox News, the indisputable news source for patriots, reports the latest defense spending bill for just the year of 2010 at $626,000,000,000, but such costs are necessary to defend the fatherland from the Mohammedans!
In order to distract those who may look upon the trillions of dollars spent so far as the true cause for our glorious country's current depression, I must now call to memory the true cause of our country's woes, and that is the infiltration of our southern doors by millions of undocumented cockroaches that have no respect for our boundaries.
No amount of (immigration) Raid seems to stop them and they continue to multiply faster than we can control them, and we must stomp out these vermin with our ostrich-skinned Das Boot!
The choice is clear, and every single one of them must be deported back to the land of the uncircumcised, Mexico.
Mexican Repatriation
Let us not forget, since they do not not always teach this in schools, fellow patriots, about the Mexican repatriation of the Great Depression where brown people were forcibly removed from our beloved homeland, with or without proper documentation, and where, according to USA! USA! Today:
No precise figures exist on how many of those deported in the 1930s were illegal immigrants. Since many of those harassed left on their own, and their journeys were not officially recorded, there are also no exact figures on the total number who departed.
At least 345,839 people went to Mexico from 1930 to 1935, with 1931 as the peak year, says a 1936 dispatch from the U.S. Consulate General in Mexico City.
"It was a racial removal program," says Mae Ngai, an immigration history expert at the University of Chicago, adding people of Mexican ancestry were targeted.
However, Americans in the 1930s were "really hurting," says Otis Graham, history professor emeritus at the University of California, Santa Barbara. One in four workers were unemployed and many families hungry. Deporting illegal residents was not an "outrageous idea," Graham says. "Don't lose the context."
The Bisbee deportation (1917)
And context must not be lost in today's new Great Depression! We deported the Mexicans then, and we'll deport them now, along with all other beaner-looking people.
Native-Americans, get over it and stop hyphenating, we are all Americans now!
Since we are all agreed that forced deportation, or rather "repatriation" is the only solution, we must now put our great minds together to work for the glory of this country and to the logistics of this mass deportation.
Das Final Solution
Through the use of Raids the southern cockroaches can be exterminated. But there are so many of them that the problem of dealing with their physical bodies becomes a serious problem. Fear not compatriots, we have das final solution. According to one of our greatest scientific minds:
As much as 400,000 Mexican were deported during the Depression
"A quick back of the envelop calculation. There are between 10 and 20 million undocumented immigrants. Let's stick with 16 million Mexican ones.
Let's say the target is to expel 1 million per year (it would take 16 years). That equates to 3,000 immigrants per day, about 50 busloads or 10 airplanes. But there is a catch: a million might not be enough. The immigration from Mexico is estimated to be somewhere between 500,000 and 3 millions people per year.
Using the lower figure, it would therefore take 32 years. Using the higher estimate [which I find too large, as Mexico would be empty in about 30 years], would require expelling 4 million immigrants a year, 12,000 a day, 200 buses or 40 airplanes. Each and every day.
This without counting the natural population growth rate."
Learning mathematics has never been so important! Stay steadfast my fellow brothers and sisters of God's country, it will take two or three decades to deport the millions of cockroaches back to south of the border, with about 200 buses run 24 hours each day, but we can do it!
Remember fellow patriots, that never before has the world seen the most powerful economy of the continent devasted by a two-front war, so our placing of blame of the current recession on a group of people will be shown to be the right solution, and history will validate Das Final Solution!
And nevermind the cost, or all the empty houses and apartments, labor disruptions or loss of their spending dollars... we will finally reclaim this country for the true Americans... the European immigrants.
May the non-Arab looking, fair-skinned, and non-baby Jesus continue to bless our glorious Homeland!
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For those who do not know the author, this is very much a satire and the author is a strong opponent of SB1070. Subscribe now to this column via email using the Subscribe button above, or for your favorite news reader you can find the RSS feed here.
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