Fenders Out!
Sailors take themselves pretty seriously. The more pretentious out there call it "yachting"; some even wear "yachting" gear when not on the boat. In short, as a subculture, sailors are ripe to be made fun of. But you have to pick your moments, you need to know when they're doing something that even their own compatriots will laugh at. Here's a short list.
When to make fun of a sailor:
1. When they're "baylining". This is the condition that many find their boats in when they're lazy; they left the slip with, egads, their fenders still dangling overboard. If you see this, the appropriate reaction is to point and laugh. I sometimes take pictures.
2. When the crew is wearing matching foul weather gear. This is OK if you're competing for the America's Cup. It's ridiculous if you're out for an afternoon sail. The appopriate response is to beat them in the race and then ask them at the party afterwards where they got their "cool gear".
3. When sailors talk about how fast they're going. This is absurd. Really really fast boats go about 20 MPH. Race boats go around 8 to 10 MPH. My boat goes around 5 to 6 MPH. Let's compare...humans walk around 3 MPH and jog at about 7 MPH. So race boats are a bit above a jog. World class marathon runners average around 10 MPH, Usain Bolt runs at about 23 MPH. Are sailboats really fast? Proper reaction is to walk away and ask, "hey, can your boat keep up with me?".
4. O boy, topsiders. What can you say about topsiders? Maybe in the early days of "yachting", a leather shoe with oddly placed laces and weird ridges was considered high tech. But do "yachties" really have to wear them off the boat? I don't know the appropriate reaction...like most everyone my age, I wore them in high school so perhaps just look down in mutual shame?
5. This one is probably the most important. Sailors talk funny with all that starboard and avast and tiller and boom and other odd terms. At one point there must have been a reason for sailors to have their own language; most likely because a ship could have sailors from many different countries and cultures (this still exists, see the America's Cup crews). But is there really a reason to exclude the common man from conversation? Why ask someone to "trim the afterguy" when "pull the blue rope" will suffice? Why use terms like galley and head when kitchen and bathroom are far more understandable? The appropriate reaction is, obviously, a blank stare or ask them to repeat themselves in whatever foreign language you know.
6. Now for the last rule, don't make fun of sailors, they might give you a ride (see crew list). Then you can wear a cool yellow outfit with topsiders while talking funny about how fast you went with your fenders dangling. Just like real sailors.
Comments
Do people make fun of you for any of these things? I get the fender thing all the time.
For me, it's the foulies...I kind of look fat in foul weather gear.
A reader in my blog said that when boats are baylining in her home waters they shout over to the offending boat, "Hey! Your underwear is showing!"
I love making fun of sailors. Please give me more ideas. How should I make fun of those sailors that put those fancy coils of line on the dock, sailors who sail by themselves, people who play sailing games on the Internet,... ? The list is endless.
Fun things about sailors:
If he's wearing a Greek fisherman's hat, he's a complete dork who knows nothing.
If she's wearing an America's Cup logo insignia, she is pretending (unless it's an A3 shirt then you better ask, she might have)
If you have a power boat, drive across the bow and leave a big wake for the racers...it makes them say interesting things
the locals in Key West (scene of a large annual race, aka 'regatta') call the sailing invaders 'yacht nazi's' because their all fit, blond, loud, rude, and usually drunk when their out at night.
In Sweden, leaving the fenders over the side while at a mooring buoy is alleged to mean: "I am home, don't tell my wife because my girlfriend is on board."
Hugh, that might be the subject of its own post.
Charlie, with you on the greek fisherman's hat.
Ha Ha Ha ;)
I hate it when fenders are even brought out on a boat for sake of forgetting them out...... I have never worn topsiders but my GF does gimme crap for speaking the different language. Most of us can laugh at our selves though.....
Oh, and you ever hear of the term 5knsb?.........
jptylak, the 4kt shbx is sort of the SA Shibboleth...of course I've heard of it. But then again I sail a 6 kt shbx. -EVK4
I only make fun of sailors who are not really sailors.........kinda like making fun of journalists who are not really journalists ; )
I live in SF - sail on the Bay. You know you've driven home one tomany times in your foulweather gear when the punk rocker kids across the street are all sporting dinghy boots as night out on the town fasion items.
How do you tell the difference between the lady SF Sailors and the salty guy SF Sailors? Keep in mind everyone is covered head to toe in gear that looks worthy of a North Pole expedition.
Seriously how do you tell the difference?
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