As the Emerald City Roller Girls take the track this Saturday to open their fifth season, they will kick off their best season yet. This is not hyperbole. There are hard facts to back this up. For starters, this is the first season in which travel team skaters are not required to also skate for one of the home teams. This means plenty of new spots were freed up on the Flat Track Furies, Andromedolls, and Church of Sk8in. Despite this large turnover, with Emerald City’s rigorous training program, there is no appreciable dip in talent. In other words, to drag out a tired old, yet appropriate, sports cliché, these teams didn’t rebuild. They reloaded.
The sixteen new skaters, whittled down from a class of about 60 who passed try-outs, have been training for over half a year for this night: Their first opportunity to skate in front of thousands of screaming home town fans.
Bout 1: Heartless Heathers versus Andromedolls
Saturday’s first bout pits the Andromedolls, Emerald City champions and undefeated for the past three seasons, against Rose City (Portland) home team Heartless Heathers. The Heathers rode a late season surge to finish third out of four in Rose City 2011 intraleague play.
“Seven of the fourteen girls on our roster are in their first season as Dolls,” Dolls co-captain Agent Orange said. “Keep your eyes on newcomers Scariel and UO Me-- it is going to be a red-hot debut for these very talented players.”
UO Me recently matriculated from Emerald City’s Junior Gems and has plenty of roller derby experience. Scariel has the Emerald City travel team coaches salivating. She is relatively new to the sport, yet her natural athleticism should help her to be an instant contributor for the Dolls.
“This is not the championship team from last year,” Scariel reiterated. “Not to say we won't rise to the occasion. We have been working very hard and are ready to bring it. We will be focused and controlled, like robots, but sexier.” To the fans, Scariel adds: “Embrace the freshies. With your support we can exterminate, annihilate, and maybe even destroy.”
“You can expect to see us skating our asses off. Rose City teams are a big challenge, and we're all about playing up,” Dolls co-captain Assista Suicide emphasized. “We are the only ECRG team to play a Rose City team in an open-to-the-public bout.” When asked what top secret info she had to share about Saturday’s bout, Assista had this to share: “We're going to channel the earth through our core and shoot it out through our heads.”
Of the Andromedolls I interviewed, all mentioned one Heartless Heather skater specifically whom they were excited to skate against: French Tickler. “Frenchie,” as she is affectionately known, is a former Emerald City Roller Girl and skated for the Church of Sk8in in ECRG’s early years.
After talking to French Tickler and teammate Effy Stone ‘Em, they both revealed they are excited to come to Eugene, and both are aware of the Dolls’ dominance. “The Dolls were the team to beat,” Frenchie said. “We have prepared by thinking that they are the Wheels of Justice (Rose City’s world-championship-level travel team). How could we come close to beating WOJ? We would have to play as a team. That alone will be our asset.”
“I'm stoked to skate against Agent Orange. She and I played pool really poorly one time at this bar in Portland and I think she's a nice lady,” Effy Stone ‘Em shared. She also added the Heathers’ secret weapon will be “Neon. You might only see this from me. Sometimes I have a hard time getting the rest of the team behind this.”
And, of course, no preview is complete without someone stirring the pot. Frenchie offered this: “We don't actually want the Dolls to cry themselves to sleep, but we know it is inevitable after playing us. Maybe they think we are 'new' and won’t be able to 'handle them,' but we will smack talk until the end of the game and leave with the win.”
My Prediction: Andromedolls win a nail biter.
Other skaters to watch:
Andromedolls: Surly Q and Slap Cat
Heartless Heathers: Teqkillya and Baccha Nailya
Bout 2: Flat Track Furies versus Churchof Sk8in
The second bout pits the Flat Track Furies, winless in league play in 2011, against 2011’s runner-up Church of Sk8in. Don’t let last season fool you. The Furies have the most returning skaters of the home teams. Church had a rough off-season and will only be able to field thirteen skaters. But, they did get the best new skater and instant travel team contributor Jala Pain Yo.
“Iam excited to play the Furies,” Jala said in our chat. “Last time I played against them was March of last year. I was still playing for Sick Town (Corvallis), and we lost, but it was a great match.”
Church of Sk8in veterans Betty Aim Fire and captain Killin Sicilian both specifically had their eyes set on star Fury and travel team skater Frankie Facebreaker. “Frankie Facebreaker is a BEAST on eight wheels. Not only is she a fierce jammer, but her defensive and offensive blocking is impeccable. She is a little scary...just a little,” Killin said.
Betty Aim Fire added: “It's always exciting to play against Frankie Facebreaker because you never know what to expect from her.”
Church was very tight-lipped about their top-secret strategies. All Killin Sicilian said was “I'll just say there will be some sexual double entendres involved.”
Betty Aim Fire is really excited to play before the home town crowd: “ECRG fans are the best! In my derby travels, I've never met more supportive and passionate fans than in Eugene. They understand derby as a true sport and are going to be impressed at the increasingly high level of strategy and athleticism ECRG skaters bring to the track. This is going to be an amazing season!”
In addition to Frankie Facebreaker, another skater Church captain Killin Sicilian is excited to skate against is draftee Wonder Dread.
“I have been doing a lot of cross training to keep my endurance up,” Wonder Dread replied when asked how she was preparing for her first bout with the Furies. “Also I have been visualizing and dreaming derby.” She is excited to skate against fellow draftee Jala Pain Yo. You can expect to see them facing off against each other on the jammer line.
Teammate Blue Ruin looks forward to skating against Church jammer Pow Wow: “She’s such a strong player, so it is always a challenge to have her on the track. But, she is also a great sport, win or lose.”
Both Blue Ruin and captain Aphrofighty stressed that we can expect to see some strong teamwork by the Furies: “The evolution of the Furies over the last year has been a thing of beauty,” Fighty said. “With a lot of hard work and deep commitment to rising to the top of our game, we’re playing better than ever. We’re all looking forward to showing our fans how far we’ve come and dominating the Church on Saturday.”
“We deeply love and appreciate our Snake Pit of fans and plan on converting more than a few of those wayward Sk8inists,” Fighty concluded.
Prediction: Furies win.
Other skaters to watch:
Flat Track Furies: Sugar Hooker and Medusa Harm
Churchof Sk8in: Joy Toy and Dropkick Daisy
As of the publishing of this article, there are still a few tickets available. You can go to Emerald City Skates, Ninkasi's Tasting Room, and Redoux Parlour to pick up tickets in person or order on-line at Brown Paper Tickets. The bout is at the Lane Events Center. Doors are at 5. Action starts at 6.
If you cannot make the bout in person, you can view it on-line and enjoy the witty banter of your not-so-humble author.
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