I did what everyone else does in their online existence: I forgot the password for my Facebook page. Easy enough to repair, I thought. I should know any time I think "it will be easy'" the opposite is true. But this time it turned into "this will be hell and I'm in gasoline drawers." The entire experience has left me scarred.
I need my Facebook for business. I use it to advertise, write, connect, interview, network, sell books, and all things with a dollar sign and a business logo.
When you forget your password, Facebook gives you the chance to click a link "forgot password" which leads you to "find your account." After you have found yourself, you have three options on the "Reset your password" page: 1. use your Yahoo! or email account, 2. email a link to reset, or 3. get a code from your "smart phone." None of these worked; I never received a "six digit confirmation code" - ever. Not in my spam, not in my email, not floating in the air in cyberspace. So I clicked "I didn't receive a code" -- and was immediately taken back to the "Reset your password page."
Frustration can lead to many things: anger, feelings of isolation, drinking in excess, smashing the computer's mouse. I am a patient person. So I just created a new Yahoo! account. Then I went to Facebook's "Reset your password" page and clicked "No longer have access" as directed. Facebook made me select from my over 1,000 contacts, contacts selected by Facebook, three people I "trusted well." Tell that to an ex-cop! Facebook then sends these people a message to "help me" and they are to click on a link.
The first person I trusted well called me. "Is this really you?" She asked. "The link Facebook sent me led to a page that 'no longer exists.' Now what?"
"Now what," indeed. It is akin to Alice's "Caucus Race" in my favorite book, "Alice in Wonderland."
Here is where more fun begins. Try getting a human belong on the phone at Yahoo! (1-800-318-0612). The jazzy, fun music you listen to while on hold gets old and you will find yourself humming it when asleep. Better yet, try getting assistance from Facebook. I have come to believe there are no actual people running Facebook. Just a bunch of people posting how they were at the gym or their cat died. I tried getting help online, but first must be logged into my account. I contacted my service provider, who was thoroughly confused and eventually, after the telephone became affixed to my ear via age, admitted it was a "Facebook issue" and not a "network provider issue."
Trying Facebook online assistance did nothing. Either I am the only person who has ever had my issue, or everyone else became so frustrated they drank arsenic and lay down to die, wireless keyboard across their chest. The instructions led me right back to where I began. Another "Caucus Race."
I went to an online company that can help with such issues and there was a live chat box that read, "Ask us anything." I was sooooo tempted. But I still consider myself a patient person. I typed in, "What is the charge for your service?" and received an automated response they will get back to me. Shortly.
I have learned many things from this experience. 1. Facebook creates a crack-like dependence for small businesses like myself to keep the business rolling. 2. Facebook (and I will add Yahoo! and other "Help" online as well) has the worst customer service ever; yes, even worst than that Taco Bell restaurant where I found a roach embedded in my Mexican pizza and the manager just said, "oh." 3. I am not a patience person. Anymore.
I still cannot access my Facebook. Anyone out there who can assist, email me. It is not like I will be busy working on my Facebook any time soon.
Join me in cyberspace - just not on Facebook right now
Photo of J. Yates credit (yes her FB account is fine)