I want to start this review off by stating one very important fact; I am a purest, pure and simple. I like things the way they used to be and want things to stay that way. Change is bad, at least when what you're going for is vintage, something of the same, just a tad bit newer. because of this glaring character flaw, I did not like the "The Muppet Movie".
This is coming from someone who grew up loving the original Muppet Movies, my personal favorite being Muppet Treasure Island, the only thing I remember Tim Curry being in that wasn't Clue. The jokes, the music, the plot, all of it was funny and well drawn out. This latest movie felt forced, especially in its music. The only song that felt put together was the "Am I a Muppet or a Man?" piece, and it was way too serious of a song to even be in a Muppet movie to begin with.
Another major disappointment was that the movie simply wasn't funny. Like, at all. The best that the movie got out of me was an, "Aw hey, look at that haha. Neat..." If I chuckled at any other point in the movie, it was either out of pity or on accident. Gonzo, the one character you should always count on to make you laugh, had like two scenes. His toilet empire blowing up was amusing, but the bowling ball stunt was lack luster. To make things worse, that was like a HUGE plot point in the end.
Another fatal flaw was all the drama; the entire movie was laced with it. I can understand a point of drama to lead to something climactic but no, everything from start to finish is drama. From Jason Segel's family coping with the fact that his mom slept with the Muppet milk man to Kermit and Piggy reconciling a divorce, there is like, nothing left for anyone to enjoy except regular occupants of the Lifetime channel.
The final nail in the coffin for me was the voices. They were mostly OK, with Kermit and Miss Piggy being pretty spot on. But then you had moments where Fozzie Bear or Animal seemed to crack, or be just slightly off enough to bother me. It just threw the whole thing off, as if Fozzie's famous terrible jokes didn't do that enough already. At least they got that part right. Almost too well.
All in all, I give this movie two stars, the extra star representing the hope I have for the upcoming Muppet movie "Most Wanted". It looks like it will be fun, and it says a lot that the trailer for the new movie made me laugh more and harder than the first. So maybe there is hope after all!