As the recovery from the recession crawls along, people continue to experience financial hardship and the stress that goes with it, including pressure on their marital and partner relationships. Even couples who have held onto their jobs and made their mortgage payments are experiencing difficulties, because one or both persons feels that his or her needs are not being met, or have not been met for a very long time. A vast majority of divorces and separations occur because of arguments about money.
Fortunately, a local author has published a book that contains a wealth of insight, advice and tools for helping couples achieve financial transparency, stability and health within their relationship. Couples and Money: Cracking the Code to Ending the #1 Conflict in Marriage, by Dr. Jackie Black, is a practical, easy-to-read guide to identifying and dealing with money-related problems. Black, a psychologist who is a renowned relationship expert, coach and educator, has lectured and written widely on dating and relationship issues, and counsels clients worldwide on building and maintaining committed healthy relationships.
The initial chapters in Couples and Money are designed to help the individual understand his or her own beliefs about money and how those ideas came about. The author believes that only by examining our own belief, value, attitude and behavior chain, can we address the problems we experience in dealing with money, and understand our partner's beliefs which may differ markedly for our own. Black helps the reader examine strongly held beliefs that may be untrue, no longer true or of little relevance in dealing with financial management.
In a particularly effective application of what this reviewer calls the 'who owns the problem' psychology, Black reminds us that money is neutral and that the 'energy' of money is something we confer on it, not the other way around. She showcases profiles of Hoarders and Over-Spenders, and helps us understand what money philosophy is guiding our actions, Prosperity Thinking or Poverty Thinking, and how such processes can keep us from being our best selves.
The rest of this useful book provides a step-by-step plan for what the author calls 'building the family business,' a sound financial management plan that addresses short- and long-term goals, including tools for reaching consensus between the partners on the program, and on monitoring and updating the plan.
This reviewer's favorite part of the book was the chapter on creating a Gratitude Journal, a method for identifying, documenting and celebrating the real wealth in your life.
Although the core content of the book, about money in relationships, and all the worksheets and exercises that come along with it would be enough to recommend it, Black provides us with bonus material. She includes advice about introducing children to sound money talk and management, and also includes a chapter on dealing with money matters for people who suffer from ADHD.
This reviewer, who is unmarried, would also recommend the book for singles, because the tools for self-analysis are just as useful if you are trying to establish a sound financial future for yourself. If you are dating and thinking about entering into a committed relationship this book also is for you, because you can't start building your money communications skills soon enough!
Couples and Money is a great gift idea, for Mother's Day, Father's Day and for all those couples who are planning June weddings.
Outskirt Press. ISBN:978-1-4327-5060-2.
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