We find ourselves halfway through the summer movie season and thus far, it's been about 50/50. There have been some hits (Bridesmaids, X-Men: First Class, Super 8) and some misses (Thor, The Hangover Part II) and ones I just couldn't bring myself to see (Green Lantern, Pirates of the Caribbean 4). After seeing Transformers: Dark of the Moon, I really wish I could have put it in that third category.
But really, is that any surprise? Right from the outset, it didn't have much going for it. The first one was mildly entertaining and the second one is easily one of the worst movies ever made. This third installment doesn't improve upon the third at all. Which is truly depressing because the second Transformers movie was so bad, you couldn't help but think, "Wow, if they make a third one, there's no where to go but up." Wrong. The best you could say is that it didn't get any worse. It remained at the same level of crap and mediocrity that the second movie existed on.
Then, of course, there's the fact that Michael Bay directed it. What's to be said about his style of film making that hasn't been said already? It's all surface level superficiality, not an ounce of substance to be found. Someone recently said to me, "Yeah, but his movies look really good." Okay, you have to give him that, his movies do look good. But if that's as far as his talent extends, then he should just make commercials. That way you can say, "Well, that was a crappy 30 seconds," instead of, "Well, that was a crappy 2 hours and 34 minutes." That's right, Transformers: Dark of the Moon is 2 hours and 34 minutes long. It was excruciating. What didn't help matters was the excessive use of slow-motion. If there had been no slo-mo in this movie, it would've been 20 to 30 minutes shorter.
Naturally, since Hollywood is convinced that 3D is the next big thing, Transformers: Dark of the Moon is in 3D if you wish to see it that way. It would be nice to say that at least that part of the movie was fun, but much like every other movie that has been in 3D since its resurgence in popularity, it was totally unnecessary. In fact, it only made the crappiness of this movie look more life-like and in-your-face. There's no point in mentioning how one dimensional the characters are and how bad and cheesy the acting is. Not a single person in this movie turned a performance that's even half-way respectable. That's sad considering Frances McDormand has a starring role. Shia LeBeouf was just flat-out annoying.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon will be awarded no stars by this critic. Do not go see this movie at the Cinemagics in Hooksett or Merrimack. Do not see it when it comes out on DVD. Avoid this big, dumb piece of crap at all costs. It's long, it's boring, it stinks. They should show this movie in film schools to illustrate how NOT to make a movie.