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Reaper Bones review #231: Hawk

Michael Tresca



For the remainder of the Reaper Bones reviews, Talien AKA Tal (the satyr paladin) and Maleficent AKA Mal (the half-fey/half-fiend sorceress) will review familiars as part of a new series, "That Familiar Show," a sort of fantasy dog show. In this installment, they review a hawk.

Tal: Well, it finally happened. This is the final episode of "That Familiar Show."

Mal: It's your fault we've been cancelled.

Tal: MY fault? How is this my fault?

Mal: Can we just talk about the familiar today?

Tal: Fine. Introducing the rare and definitely interesting HAWK. It's a HAWK. It FLIES. It's standing there on a ROCK.

Mal: The problem with small flying familiars is that they have two profiles: sideways, which means they look like oblong lumps, or full on with wings out.

Tal: This happens rarely in real life -- it's more likely the creature has its winged tucked at its sides -- but all of these options would be rather boring.

Mal: Which is why this hawk appears to be standing on a rock with his wings outspread.

Tal: I think the hawk is flashing me.

Mal: You think everything is flashing you.

Tal: I'm a satyr, give me a break.

Mal: You never let me forget. Speaking of never letting you forget, let's talk more about how this is all your fault.

Tal: You know, the hawk's posture is similar to the bat familiar we reviewed earlier.

Batman: I was just going to say that.

Mal: GASP!

Tal: Oh great, he's back.

Batman: I'm Batman.

Tal: We know.

Mal: I KNOW!

Batman: This hawk reminds me of somebody I know...

Hawkman: Yeah, it reminds me of Batman.

Batman: Want to get out of here?

Mal: Totally.

Tal: Oh great. Well, that leaves me and...

Hawkman: Want to get out of here?

Tal: Uh, no thanks.

Hawkman: I was talking to the hawk.

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