For the remainder of the Reaper Bones reviews, Talien AKA Tal (the satyr paladin) and Maleficent AKA Mal (the half-fey/half-fiend sorceress) will review familiars as part of a new series, "That Familiar Show," a sort of fantasy dog show. In this installment, they review a fire familiar.
Tal: We're back with another episode of "That Familiar Show." Today, we're playing with fire!
Mal: Specifically, this little fire guy. He's a tricky demon from hell with an impish personality and a fiery personality to match. You can pick up a fire mephit as a familiar with the Improved Familiar feat as an arcane caster of 7th level.
Tal: How do you know that?
Tal: I think you're projecting.
Mal: Projecting? Okay smart guy, what do you think this familiar is?
Tal: A small wayward fire elemental who is fond of scorching those who disagree with his master. He requires an arcane caster level of 5th...
Mal: Uh huh.
Tal: ...and is fond of practical jokes.
Mal: That sounds a lot like my version.
Tal: Does not.
Mal: Now who's projecting?
Tal: Psionic projecting? I suppose he could be an emberling summoned by the elemental envoy psionic feat, which replaces a psionicist's psicrystal with a totally-not-the-same-as-a-familiar envoy. Wait, you know what, now that I look at him...
Mal: How do you even know if it's a him? Maybe it's a her.
Tal: Okay, now that I look at it, I think it's...it's on fire?
Mal: Huh. You're right. It looks like a paper golem that's on fire.
Tal: Whup, there it goes! Yep, burned to a crisp. Nothing but ashes.
Mal: Let this be a lesson to all you aspiring golem makers. Paper golems make terrible familiars.
Tal: People don't kill paper golems; matches kill paper golems.
Want more? Subscribe to this column; follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Pinterest, and the web; buy my books: The Evolution of Fantasy Role-Playing Games, The Well of Stars, and Awfully Familiar. Become an Examiner and get paid to write today!