For the remainder of the Reaper Bones reviews, Talien AKA Tal (the satyr paladin) and Maleficent AKA Mal (the half-fey/half-fiend sorceress) will review familiars as part of a new series, "That Familiar Show," a sort of fantasy dog show. In this installment, they review a doll...with a knife.
Tal: On today's episode of "That Familiar Show" we're discussing killer dolls.
Mal: I'm not your mama. Shoo.
Tal: Ever since the debut of Chucky, killer dolls have been a fun villain to release on players.
Mal: Unfortunately, there's a size-bias in many tactical role-playing games, where smaller = weaker.
Tal: This means that nefarious villains that can terrorize adults in the movies are pretty weak in a game unless you give them class levels.
Mal: I said, I'm not your mama. Unfortunately, this doll doesn't really look like a doll.
Tal: I think it's supposed to be a wooden doll with a head full of curls.
Mal: Maybe, but it just looks like a mess to me.
Mal: Not. The. Mama! Go away.
Tal: This is probably as much due to its size as it is the transition to Bonesium.
Mal: Which unfortunately means it hardly looks doll-like enough to be a doll.
Tal: This is one weird familiar. Like good ole plant/fey Stumpy, there's not a lot of construct familiars, so we're in a bit of unchartered territory.
Mal: But don't worry, "weird" and "unchartered" have never stopped us before.
Tal: This is probably a small animated object that can be summoned with the improved familiar feat, caster level thr--AAAAAH IT JUST STABBED ME IN THE LEG!
Mal: Yep, that's your mama.
Want more? Subscribe to this column; follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Pinterest, and the web; buy my books: The Evolution of Fantasy Role-Playing Games, The Well of Stars, and Awfully Familiar. Become an Examiner and get paid to write today!