Written by Markus Robinson, Edited by Nicole I. Ashland
Markus Rating: 2 out of 5 Stars
Rated R for strong violence, language throughout and brief sexual content/nudity
Now playing at Century 20 Oakridge Mall in San Jose, California:
And the verdict is: Michael Chiklis still hasn’t given a performance worth watching since he starred in “The Shield”. Directed by Taylor Hackford, who actually directed “Ray” (oh, how the mighty have fallen) and starring Jason Statham as the same character he plays in every movie, and Jennifer Lopez playing a sort of love interest character, who reeks of desperation (art imitating life perhaps?) “Parker” is neither a bad nor a good action film, but more so a forgettable one.
OK, so I won’t bother with a synopsis here, or a critique of this pretty flimsy storyline, or discuss how Statham and Lopez have absolutely no chemistry, or even touch on Statham’s horrid Texas accent, because in all actuality, nobody reading this cares; when a majority of audiences (men primarily) probably paid top box office prices for the sole purpose of catching the shot of Lopez’s butt, which had been teased in the trailer. In fact, in the theater where I saw “Parker”, soon after the scene in question (which occurs about an hour in) and this is no joke, there was a mass exodus consisting of male audience members, who undoubtedly saw what they came to see and were satisfied enough to go home without any interest in watching Statham do one of his Statham-esque, shoot everybody in the room more times than necessary, endings. So let’s talk about that for a second: the rather gratuitous butt scene only lasts for all of a second, in a long shot no less (meaning, from pretty far away). So while you do see her butt in some polka dot underwear, the consensus has to be that if you were one of those who paid 10+ dollars to see this scene in particular, you may come out of “Parker” feeling more than a little cheated…and probably ashamed.
Final Thought: If this is the type of movie that Jennifer Lopez is reduced to starring in, then it is no surprise that when recently confronted by Latin periodicals as to her level of interest in playing Jenni Rivera in the sure to be forthcoming biopic, her answer was resoundingly positive. I’m sorry to break this to all of the J Lo fans out there, but the simple truth is, at this juncture of her life, it would seem that she simply can’t afford to turn down ANY ROLE presented to her.
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