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Okay here's my Official TMNT 2k14 Review

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles



"Drain all their blood, even if it kills them." Umm...wouldn't it? Wouldn't that kill anybody?

I wouldn't call myself a Ninja Turtles purist, but this remake is definitely on steroids....and maybe viagra. First of all, Megan Fox's April is weak. Whoopi did the best she could with her lines. Will Arnett did the best he could with his lines. (Lucky for them this movie has and will continue to make millions so it won't kill anybody's career.) Megan Fox is too skinny to be breathing so hard. She breathed heavy all through the movie. I didn't need Michaelangelo to say his "shell was getting hard" because April was so hot. I didn't need the gratuitous curse words (to be fair, the Ninja Turtles movies when I was a kid cussed too). Leonardo got the short end of the katana. Tony Shalhoub's Splinter voice was distracting and off (until he was about to die, then he sounded like Splinter! finally!) Kirai (or however you spell her name) was like 45, that kinda bugged me.

The plot of the rich guy wanting to get richer? We've seen that before, cool. But his house looked like a castle, not even a mansion, A FREAKIN' CASTLE! He was already "stupid rich" if you ask me, but ya know who knows? Big house, uses a lot of electricity, fell behind on a few bills? And having to feed all the Foot and build that wicked metal Samurai outfit for the semi-faceless Master Shredder...

Okay, so how were the Foot and Sacks and everybody prepared when he didn't know April was going to come to Sacks with news of finding the long lost box turtles? Or maybe he did know? many questions.

Corny dialogue. Lots of fighting. Tons of plot holes. When did they? How? Did somebody hit fast forward? Did I fall asleep and miss something?

But it had some funny moments and I love action scenes where stuff blows up. And my kids thought it was the best movie they'd seen all year. (My fave this year: XMen: Days of Future Past). Hey, as long as the boys are happy!

I'm pretty sure there will be a sequel...

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