You ever watch someone else’s home movies? Not those of a relative mind you, or even those of a close friend, but the home films of a complete stranger? Have you enjoyed yourself? Yeah, us neither. There are few thing more mind-numbing than watching other’s people’s ordinary lives unfold in shaky-cam, badly-focused, out of frame dull as reading operating instructions lives, and yet that is what is going on in the opening half hour of this endless recycling of The Blair Witch snoozefest. (Sigh.)
We totally get that these films cost about a buck-98 to make and rake in millions, but they are not only entirely predictable, but they are the same bloody film! Plus they are, generally 85 minutes of bad camerawork and cursing and about two minutes of “scary” (usually in the “Gotcha, made you jump” variety). No, these are not good films, not a one of them, and this one is no exception. Plus the whole running with a camera thing is so not at all possible (we tried it once, nearly tripped up the stairs and killed our fine self).
The story here is that Samantha (Miller) and Zach (Gilford) McCall are young and in love and they are setting up house planning their wedding and then off on their honeymoon. Some 45 minutes into the film they finally are on their honeymoon in Santa Domingo where everything goes awry. After a mysterious, lost night on their honeymoon, where they go boozing and get lost only to get picked up by a cabbie and brought to some exotic dive bar where they get tanked up and Sam pretty obviously gets roofied and then raped by a demon (surprisingly enough, even though the entire thing is (badly) filmed, the couple apparently never actually watch the film until months later when it is clearly way too late).
Shortly after they get home, the newlywed couple discover themselves dealing with a way-earlier-than-planned pregnancy (You should have watched the video, kids). While recording everything for posterity, the husband begins to notice odd behavior in his wife that they initially write off to nerves (including the late night recording while she is sleeping where she open her dead-blank-devil-stare-0eyes, and nearly breaks his hand before rolling over and going back to sleep moment). Well, as the months pass, it becomes more-and-evident that not only are dark changes occurring to her mind and body, but that this film is a ridiculous waste digital storage whatever talents these actors may have as well as of our time. We need to stop going to see this crap so that film makers will start making better films for us to go out and watch.
Robert J. Sodaro has been reviewing films for some 30 years. During that time, his movie reviews and articles have appeared in numerous print publications, as well as on the web. Subscribe to receive regular articles and movie reviews.