"Don't call it comeback"
- Mama said knock you out (L.L.Cool J)
Long before we started referring to action movies as "guilty pleasures" or their stars as "expendables", Arnold Schwarzenegger was bigger than life. Sure, he'd occasionally stray from the path with a "Twins" or "Kindergarten Cop", but the faithful knew those were just intermissions for what we came here for. In case anyone forgot (or too young to know), we're presented with "Last Stand".
Arnie plays Ray Owens, sheriff of the town of Summerton Junction. A town so small that everyone knows each other. The town is so small (how small is it?) that all but a dozen residents leave town to enjoy the big high school game. A town that serene almost deserves a visit from
sociopathic drug lord, Gabriel Cortez (Eduardo Noriega). Noriega escapes death row and a few dozen federal agents thanks to a well-armed paramilitary unit and a souped up Corvette. Yes, a Corvette. Detroit has truly recovered, after all.
The only thing standing between Cortes and freedom is Owens and his deputies. There's Jerry (Zach Gifford) who longs for big city excitement. Sarah (Jaimie Alexander) the smart (and hot) one. And of course, the comedic cowardly lion of the group Mike (perfectly played by Luis Guzman). The only thing you need is a jackass with a gun. Johnny Knoxville, this role's for you. With a name like Lewis Dinkum and dressed up like a modern day Jamie Farr, you know what you're in for.
It's hard to believe it's been a decade since Arnold's headlined a movie. Luckily, he hasn't missed a beat. It's just that the beats are slower and that's not a bad thing. Korean director Jee-woon Kim and writer Andrew Knauer were smart to show a Terminator who could use a little
Slick 50 at times. They didn't shy away from the fact that Owens was in his AARP years. He may need reading glasses at times, but luckily accuracy isn't needed when wielding a shotgun. Last Stand is a throwback to a time when with enough guns, laughs and a catchphrase or two,
that movies were actually pretty fun. Suffice it to say, "Last Stand" will make you glad that he kept his word in saying "I'll be back."
Last Stand - MPAA Rated R for bloody violence and language. Running time: 107 minutes. In theaters nationwide
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