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Jew-Jitsu: The Hebrew Hands of Fury

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Jew-Jitsu: The Hebrew Hands of Fury (book)

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Every once in a long while you come across a book that totally tickles your fancy with its inventively novel way that it will perform a unique mash-up of widely divergent ideas, concepts, and/or situations that no truly sane person would intellectually connect. Still there is something about the creative mind that can look at non-intersecting concepts and say, “Hurm, I wonder what that would be like.” Then, when presenting this concept to the rest of the civilized (and presumably stable) world and asked the inevitable, “How could you possibly think like that,” respond with the stock com-back, “How is it that you don’t?”

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This is precisely the kind of reaction that one would imagine that writer Paul Kupperberg met with when he probably first broached his hilariously silly, and scathingly brilliant book, Jew-Jitsu: The Hebrew Hands of Fury. Yes, you just read that correctly, “Jew-Jitsu” so please don’t get offended as Kupperberg is in fact, Jewish. Something that helps him out as the book is loaded to the gunwales with Hebrew and Yiddish expressions (don’t worry, there is a glossary of terms in the back, so yes, you will be flipping back and forth for a bit until you get used to what he is doing — just like we had to when reading Anthony Burgess’ A Clockwork Orange),

Published by Citadel Press, the 114-page book is loaded up with kick-by-kick illustrations, that are demonstrated by Kupperberg’s “co-author” Rabbi Daniel Eliezer (we could be wrong, but we strongly suspect that the “Rabbi” is merely a pen-name for Kupperberg’s splintered personality). At any rate, Jew-Jitsu is described as a a martial art for nudniks who are tired of living in fear. Apparently Rabbi Eliezer is something of a Jew-Jitsu master, and teaches this ancient Hebrew martial art for which there is no defense. Master Rabbi Eliezer spends several chapters revealing all of Jew-Jitsu’s secret self-defense techniques — such as The Davening Headbutt, Throwing of the Star of David, and The Prayerful Strike.

So, if you think that all Jews are wimps and nebbishes who never learned how to defend themselves, you had best think again, bubbie, as they are hard-core hitters. Because, after a couple of thousand years of persecution, from being hounded by the Egyptians to being bashed about by Bolsheviks, the Chosen People decided to fight back. Thus the prayerful are Jew-Jitsu was born. So, if you too want to learn how to defend yourself against nogoodnicks, then Jew-Jitsu is the perfect self-defense guide for you, especially if you (like the Chosen People) are tired of being chosen for tsooris.

According to Kupperberg, Jew-Jitsu is based upon the ancient Jewish principles found in the Torah, and refined in the Far East (where the Chinese food that Jews love so much, was plentiful). Both Kupperberg and Rabbi Eliezer urge everyone to not run and hide, but to train their bodies and minds in order to not only rise to a higher plane of spiritual satisfaction, but to put fear into the hearts of those who would dare to mess with the kosher kids! According to Rabbi Eliezer, “Jews of the Chabad Lubavitch may Make tradition on loving kindness, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be Chabad-asses, either.”

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Robert J. Sodaro has been writing articles and reviews for some 30 years. During that time, his reviews and articles have appeared in numerous print publications, as well as on the web.Subscribe to receive regular literature and book reviews.

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