In the fast food universe, seasonal promotions are deader than Disco. Spicier mayo on everything. Bacon where it doesn’t belong. Milkshakes with different food coloring. All horrible because fast food is about basking in the overpowering familiar in order to drown out new and unsettling emotions. No one goes into McDonalds at 3:45 on a Tuesday to explore the outside of their comfort zone.
But Jack in the Box has decided to take the epitomy of normal, their seasonal promotion, and use it to fly their freak flag in the face of every other chain doing the same thing year after year.
Every fat food enthusiast in the fat food fandom knows what a spicy twist on a burger anywhere means. Plastic pepper jack, jalapenos, and some kind of a sauce that’s supposed to be a wild exciting version of a less wild and exciting sauce that already exists. We’ve put up with the confetti cheese and pickled nacho greens for too long. But just as riots were starting to stir amongst the peasants, J-box execs pull some ranch dressing acrobatics to ease our seasonal anger for another year: the Jalapeno Ranch Ultimate Cheeseburger.
The title sounds like another cliche fired at burger culture but then it takes a right turn and a triple lutz mctwist. No pepper jack. No spicy sauce. No low brow bullshit. It’s swiss (“swiss style,” but whatever), american, jalapenos, and ranch dressing smushed into a double burger in between a sesame seed bun and nothing else.
No limp lettuce. No cramming of things arbitrarily placed in the “spicy” category. No pathetic pandering with spicy spanish words. Just a new flavor combination isolated for pure eating enjoyment. This is what a seasonal offering should always be. A refreshing new offering that throws a wrench made out of jalapenos and ranch into the pot.
Like a Jackson Pollock painting, it seems to easy. Too obvious. But no one will be buying the imitation. Its magic is in it’s originality. It’s a fresh (not literally) idea in a market marred by stale (literally) options.
Get it at Jack in the Box now. As always, all day long.