I wasn’t expecting much from this movie based on its trailer, which made it look a little too much like 300, Zach Snyder’s hit homo-erotic, heroic, fetishistic fanboy fest faithfully adapted from Frank Miller’s graphic novel, and the recent reboot of Clash of the Titans, neither of which impressed me very much. But to my surprise, Immortals, directed by Tarsem Singh (2000’s The Cell, 2006’s The Fall), is one of the better sword-and-sandal-and-sorcery epics to splash copious buckets of blood on the big screen, at least since the original Clash of the Titans (1981), though it could have used either more sex or more monsters, or ideally, more of each (I had the some complaint about this summer’s update of Conan the Barbarian, which I otherwise enjoyed), but then most modern mainstream movies, particularly of the blockbuster variety, fail to quench my thirst for either of these essential grindhouse elements. That said, Immortals gushes gritty, gory glory, even if is a bit too talky at times. To be honest, the main reason I went to see it was Mickey Rourke, and he did not disappoint, so I cannot complain.
Mickey, who began his unusual roller-coaster career playing soft-spoken hipster hooligans, has transformed himself into a formidable go-to cinematic villain, a phase that really began with his true “comeback” as Marv in Sin City (2005). Instead of the Russian rogue “Whiplash” (though unfortunately he’s never referred to as such, sigh) facing off against Iron Man, this time Mickey, as the evil King Hyperion waging war on the (Greek) gods themselves, finds himself confronting Henry “Superman” Cavill (ironically now filming Zach Snyder’s highly anticipated franchise reboot Man of Steel), who is perfectly cast as mythological he-man Theseus, his square jaw and cleft chin reminiscent of golden age matinee idols like Kirk Douglas and John Derek. The strong (as it were) supporting class includes such familiar faces as Stephen Dorff, John Hurt and Stephen McHattie, mixed in with up-and-comers like 21st century Romero zombie fighter Alan Van Sprang (who was featured in Land and Diary of the Dead and starred in Survival). We also get to behold beautiful female lead Frieda Pinto (Rise of the Planet of the Apes) as the oracle Phaedra, a revealing role, if you catch my drooling drift, in 3D no less. Speaking of which, the 3D effects give the spectacular visuals and atmospheric CGI sets an old-school Viewmaster type feel, at least in some sequences, so for that reason alone I didn’t mind it as much as usual, especially since it’s not one of those movies where it’s obviously imposed on the existing footage as opposed to shot with the bigger picture in mind. The slow-motion savagery and delirious decapitations seem to squirt ‘n’ spill right in your lap.
Violent and visceral, Immortals is an adult fantasy epic that delivers the macho goods, even if I personally prefer Ray Harryhausen’s mythical masterpieces and cheesy old Italian Herculesflicks when it comes to watching scantily clad muscle men poking each other with big, sharp objects.
Immortals is now playing in 3D and 2D at the Alameda, the Grand Lake In Oakland, and other Bay Area theaters.
Will “the Thrill’ Viharo is a pulp fiction author and B Movie impresario.
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