Recently Ive been researching the statistics on HIV cases and AIDS diagnosis' in North Carolina. The results are astounding regardless of the information out there on testing resources, dangers of unprotective sex and the need for use of condoms. New cases are reported to the daily and in North Carolina alone there are 9 deaths a day due to AIDS. It doesnt say exactly cause of death but Im assuming many are from pneumonia, cancer or another AIDS related complications. Once the body's immune system is compromised no amount of thinking or "trying to fix" antedotes work. The body is shutting down and while the person may try to explain how they feel, it is hard to assess exactly how they feel. To live with AIDS is unlike trying to understand AIDS. Its like trying to explain a complex mathematical equation to someone with a low IQ, its just hard to understand. Ive lived with this illness for 16 years and AIDS for 6, I will never fix it or figure it out. I look normal but the cognitive damage is apparent if I were to try and do a complex project. This is why people with HIV need to challenge themselves in any aspect they can. I like to paint, it helps me with my thinking and processing. I also like to write but without engaging in these activities I would waste away and sleep until my body just stopped working. This is not the way I want to go so in a world of go go go I go slow. Theres a saying the turtle wins the race but after all Ive been through, there is no winning anymore. Its one step at a time, one accomplishment, one day of good and refusing to give in. If we all stopped and lived with purpose and Im not talking about corporate ladders or job promotions, we would all live better lives.
December 21, 2011