The "monster movie" is not the most nuanced of cinematic genres, nor is it one commonly associated with the French, who are more accustomed to making slow-paced dramas about the War, or highly stylized pictures with an avant-garde twist. Nevertheless, Eugène Lourié sought to fight that cheap cinematic stereotype, and chose to make Gorgo (1961), a film which not only clashes with the classic image of French cinema, but also with logic, and entertainment and fun.
Captain Joe Ryan (Bill Travers), quite possibly one of the most bland people alive, is salvaging for treasure off the coast of Ireland when an underwater volcano erupts and nearly sinks his ship. Just when things are at their most dramatic, the movie abruptly cuts to the ship the next day, revealing that everyone aboard the ship managed to somehow survive a freaking volcano with minimal damage, as well as the fact that whoever wrote the screenplay knows very little about volcanoes. With the ship's propellers not working (evidently they were the only thing damaged by the freaking volcano!) Ryan and his first officer, Sam Slade (William Sylvester, aka that guy from 2001: A Space Odyssey), take a dingy out to an Island full of Irish stereotypes in hopes that they can find someone who can help them repair their ship. Once there, they learn that some of the men from the island have disappeared under mysterious circumstances.
After dark and several montages of incomprehensible underwater footage, a monstrous dinosaur creaturethat isn't Godzilla despite sounding and looking quite similar to him surfaces, and then attacks a group of fishermen before it comes ashore to wreak havoc, as monstrous dinosaur creatures are wont to do. Despite towering at over 65 feet tall and possessing all of the pant-soiling amenities of a carnivorous dinosaur, the creature is easily frightened away by the combined efforts of Ryan and that guy from 2001: A Space Odyssey. Using a combination of stiff acting, uninteresting personalities, and the cunningly clever plan of "throw fire at the big scary thing", the men are able to drive the creature back into the sea. Unfortunately, at this point in the story we are only about a third of the way through.
Ryan and his crew manage to capture the monster by dropping a large net into the ocean and then having Gorgo climb into it of his volition -- at least one assumes that's what happened since the film immediately cuts from the net dropping into the ocean to Gorgo being hauled up onto the ship. Soon after the capture, two university scientists arrive in hopes of doing science to monster, but Captain Ryan, evidently an admirer of Ayn Rand, decides instead to sell the monster to Mr. Dorkin (Martin Benson), the improbably named owner of a circus in London, whose offers Ryan more cash than the scientists.
When the ship arrives in London, Mr. Dorkin names the creature "Gorgo", ostensibly after the Gorgons of Classical mythology, but more likely than not he was just sick and tired of having the most ridiculous name in Great Britain, and hoped to change that with his newest purchase. Since no one in Great Britain has seen King Kong or any of its numerous spin-offs, the creature is put on exhibit to the public in Battersea Park, and no one seems to think that this is a terrible idea.
However, the feces really hit the fan when Ryan and that guy from 2001: A Space Odyssey meet up with the scientists they had spurred early only to learn that Gorgo is not yet an adult, and that by their scientific calculations his mother must be at least 200 feet tall in height. On that note of unsubtle foreboding, the film then cuts to Irish stereotype Island where -- to the surprise of no one in the audience -- Gorgo's mother rise up and attacks.
After destroying the island, Momma Gorgo goes on a rampage and proceeds to lay siege to wave after wave of grainy stock-footage, while the navy fails to have any noticeable effect on the creature. Coming ashore to London, Momma Gorgo then lumbers about destroying replicas of the Tower Bridge and Big Ben while more reels of stock-footage containing the army and Royal Air Force prove to be just as futile as the previous stock-footage. Having demolished much of London, Momma Gorgo finally rescues her son from the circus, the two of them returning to sea where they will no doubt meet up with the other Gorgos before returning to lay waste to the rest of humanity.
So what then is the message of Gorgo? Well, like many European films, Gorgo actually contains a number of morals to be taken from its not unridiculous story. First, if a volcano goes off only a few hundred feet from your boat, you'll come out of it without any injuries whatsoever. Secondly, scientific breakthroughs that might benefit all of mankind don't matter if you can't make some scratch off them. Thirdly, stock-footage is useless against city-destroying monsters, no matter how grainy and poorly-dubbed it is. But perhaps Gorgo's most important message is this: When it comes to movies about giant dinosaur creatures smashing cities to bits, you're probably better off renting a Godzilla flick then watching this travesty.
Find the nearest Blockbuster near your home so you can rent this film almost immediately. Or, if you prefer that movies came to you instead, set up a Netflix account and start your ordering as soon as possible.
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