Q: What kind of sadistic jackass puts a monkey in a room, lowers the temperature to -85 (F), then raises the temperature, and administers a shock to the monkey’s nervous system to resuscitate him?
A: The kind of sadistic jackass that wants to freeze a monkey in less than two minutes, and plans to do the same to astronauts. After all, a human cannot withstand the conditions of outer space, so if he (or she) is frozen solid when sent into space, then defrosted once out there, all will be well. A better question might be: What kind of monkey, after being frozen and defrosted, looks around the room and starts clapping its hands (or--technically--paws)?
My first viewing of Gog, one of the latest releases in MGM’s manufactured-on-demand (MOD) “Limited Edition Collection” series, did not start well since this cretinous experimenton the monkey was the very first scene. However, things quickly took a turn for the better when the scientist running the experiment (Michael Fox) gets unexplainably locked in that same room, freezes, and shatters on the floor. Unfortunately, we don’t get to see his scattered, shattered remains, but we do see his associate discover the body, start screaming, and flash-freeze. Yes, she too is scattered and shattered (note to Waffle Housefans: “scattered and shattered” is not the same as “scattered and smothered”).
Gog is not a good movie, if one uses the same criteria used to rate The Godfather or Gone With the Wind. B-movie fans, junk science fans, and conspiracy theorists will love it, though, especially its handling of race (there’s only one--white), gender issues, evil computers, and post-WWII paranoia. With extremely limited (meaning “no”) understanding of the effect of radiation on humans, the writers (Tom Taggart and Richard G. Taylor) came up with a screenplay that capitalizes on the fear of the A-bomb and radioactivity, but get it absolutely wrong. Blame producer Ivan Tors who came up with the story idea, and was equally wrong a year earlier with The Magnetic Monster (another don’t-miss new release).
Don’t expect to follow the science in Gog, but do keep your eye on the “technology” used in the lab, such as the window between the freezing room and the observation area. Everything in the freezing room quickly attains a thick coating of ice, including the monkey and Dr. Hubertus (must be the humidity). Obviously, a huge windshield wiper needs to be attached to that window to ward off the frost and “snow” that appears, otherwise Dr. Hubertus couldn’t observe his cruel experimentation. And, like your granny’s old Chevy, the windshield wiper squeaks loudly. (What, no defroster?)
Interestingly, a person can die in a room from radiation poisoning, and the radioactive device that caused the death could remain in the room, but no one else entering that room is in any danger. If you happen to be a woman (you’ll know you’re a woman because all the men call you “my dear”) who gets exposed to enough radiation to destroy a city, the hospital in the underground research facility where you work will give you a frilly negligee. Sorry, guys, you just get a terry cloth robe--but, it’s a nice one. No matter how much radiation to which a person is exposed, there are no radiation burns (it wasn’t in the budget).
The budget also did not include a dime for special effects, so there are lots of tiny lights, switches, and gauges but not a lot of action. A chair does start to smolder, and an “enemy” (unknown) jet or rocket is exploded in air (sort of an Ed Wood effect). Gog and buddy Magog (see Ezekiel 38-39) are two robots that are incredibly slow, wave their arms around, and are surprisingly well endowed. And there is that frozen monkey.
Surprisingly--despite the three brief but extremely goofy love scenes--Gog’s scientists believe that women would make better astronauts than men (because women are smaller, which proves that scientists don’t spend much time in WalMart). Just as Alfred Hitchcock had a fondness for blondes, Ivan Tors apparently had a fondness for redheads, who are statistically overrepresented in Gog.
Gog is oh-so earnest and serious (leading man Richard Egan only gets to smile twice), and totally hilarious. Watch it as the second half of a double feature with The Magnetic Monster, since they are true equals, and many of the elements (exceptTHE element ) and performers from the earlier film spill over into Gog, such as the very officious Office of Scientific Investigations and an impending world’s end. According to a bit of research-lite, neither of these films made it to Mystery Science Theater 3000, but even the most uninspired viewers will find themselves providing witty commentary.
Gog is manufactured on demand when ordered through on-line retailers.
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