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Book Review: 'I Suck at Girls' by Justin Halpern

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"I Suck at Girls" by Justin Halpern


While reading Justin Halpern's latest book, "I Suck at Girls," I tried to remember which of his books I found funnier -- "Sh*t My Dad Says" or this title. I can't remember which one made me laugh more hysterically in public but this one was all kinds of funny. The difference between the two is the first book relied on his father for quick witty remarks. This book was filled with strange pieces of advice and wacky comments from his older brothers, his friends, his bosses and his father.

The title pretty much gives away the summary of the book -- Halpern's experiences with young ladies over the years, from drawing a picture of a girl with a dog taking a dump on top of her head (his way of showing affection) to having to take a dump in his girlfriend's bathroom and making sure she stood watch. The entire book is not bathroom humor. Matter of fact, those are the only two instances of dirty humor that I can think of, outside of him stealing porn from a couple homeless guys and one of them yelling "Gimmie back my titties!"

Clearly this book is not for virginal eyes and ears who can't handle blunt humor, but if you're into something like that, this is the book for you. The average person may think he's making up half of the weirdos he meets while trying to date, but considering I am a magnet for creepy people, too, I could match him story for story. I just love reading about his experiences much better than my own. And he has plenty to tell!

A couple of my favorite lines in the book are:
Page 70: "Why did you chase after her like a rapist?" Dan asked. "I just chased her. I didn't do it like a rapist." (The lines may sound crazy but the chasing had me covering my mouth on a CTA bus trying not to draw too much attention to myself.)

Page 146: "It doesn't matter where I go, just as long as no one goes with me." (I wanted to give his father dap for saying that one. I thought I was the only one who finds it more peaceful to vacation by myself. I'm co-signing times 20 to that line.)

There's not one page of disappointment in the entire book. I recommend his first book as much as the second and have no clue why the television show was canceled. I loved that, too.

Recommended Reading:

"Book Review: The funny thing about fatherhood, review of 'Sh*t My Dad Says'"

"Book Review: 'Manology' by Rev Run and Tyrese"

"Book Review: 'It Takes Balls: Dating Single Moms and Other Confessions'"

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