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'Beautiful Creatures' review

   Beautiful Creatures: Insipid southern supernatural romance
Beautiful Creatures: Insipid southern supernatural romance
Warner Bros. Entertainment

Rating:
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Beautiful Creatures in an insipid supernatural romance based in the deep south. This is one film that, like the plethora of mediocre supernatural teen romances audiences are going to see filling the theater in the next couple of years, is better left unseen (and unmade).

With a cast that includes Jeremy Irons and Emma Thompson, you'd think this movie stood a bit of a chance. Unfortunately bad acting, insipid dialogue, and a formulaic storyline doomed this teen romance with a witchy twist.

Beautiful Creatures is based on a book by two authors who apparently brought their individual passions for stories of the deep south and supernatural teen romances and formed an unholy union. The spawn of that creative love child is Beautiful Creatures, a story rife with cutsie dialogue (which might make more of the cinical amongst us gag), as well as a formulaic Romeo and Juliet type supernatural love story based in the deep south.

Ugh.

Like Twilight (and I absolutely consider this movie Twilight's ilk), this film took itself way too seriously and provided the audience with very few characters to actually sympathize with. It also proves that Hollywood is jumping on the "supernatural teen romance" bandwagon with witless abandon. Prepare youreselves, oh movie-goers, for years of these kinds of films filling America's theaters.

The story is simple enough, a small-town guy named Ethan Wate (played with insipid dorkiness by Alden Ehrenreich) meets the girl of his dreams one day when she moves into town. Unfortunately for all involved, the mysterious and dark Lena Duchannes (played by a nearly comatose Alice Englert) is a witch, from a long line of witches, and she's cursed to boot.

What you may imagine happening does happen. Irons plays Lena's eccentric uncle, and his performance was as dull and witless as the dialogue. The finest moments in this movie (and there were few) came from Thompson's performance of a possessed religious-zealot and small-town mom. Alas, even her stellar performance could not save this movie.

I really do enjoy supernatural romances, in general. So it isn't with pleasure that I report another travesty like Twilight. Since there are sure to be plenty of these kinds of pics clogging up our theaters, I'm holding a little hope that a good one will appear.

If you like these kinds of pics, then your best bet is to check out Warm Bodies, which for reasons I delineated in my review, stands above the herd.

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