What would Jesus eat for Thanksgiving? Now, we know.

Jesus is the way... to heartburn, I guess.
Courtesy: Arnie Frisch via Picasa

No sooner after someone blesses the Thanksgiving feast, people dive head first into a spread that could fill that way long table of Eddie Murphy's parents on "Coming to America".

Dressing, ham, candied yams, green bean casserole, turkey, mac & cheese, pumpkin pie, cornbread... and them's just the appetizers.

On a day we should be mindful of God, we are sinning like heathens with gluttony.

Soon after the belching stops and the Tums starts, we swear until Christmas a diet is in store. Some of the more sanctimonious of us God-fearing folk commit that diet to the Lord. But do we have any clue what that is?

Seriously, WWJE? (Eat, in case you didn't follow the cryptic acronym there.)

According to the UK's Daily Mail, we do now as "Jesus Diets" are becoming the rage, and just in time for the holidays! Good times.

The basic principle common to the U.S. programmes Christian Weigh Down and Thin Within ('Helps you grow in faith while shrinking your waistline'), and the British equivalent Fit For Life Forever, is that dieters need to identify the deeper reasons why they over-eat, before they can hope to lose weight and keep it off permanently.

Apparently, TBN's own Dr. Don Colbert was on to something. A few years ago, he published a book asking this same quandry, "What Would Jesus Eat?"

I guess at the time, no one gave a Maji or two what the Savior desired when he had the munchies. Now, with the holidays looming and post-apocalyptic movies running wild, everyone is digging to discover if Jesus would crush a Moon Pie, grab a Snickers or just graze on Rice Chex cereal during the twilight hours (Not that's a personal eyewitness account or anything.)

So, can you really pray away the pounds? Lay hands on your thighs after an all-night bender in the fridge and scream, "Devil, come out of this cellulite!"

Colbert explains: 'Jesus ate primarily natural foods in their natural states - lots of vegetables, especially beans and lentils. He would have eaten wheat bread, fruit, drunk a lot of water and also red wine. And he would only eat meat on special occasions, maybe once a month.'

Now, no worries, there's nothing in the Bible that God only loves a skinny baby. We are all his children, and if you happen to resemble a Gerber baby (or even a tiny Sumo baby), Jesus loves you for you.

However, according to an article on Godweb.org, some fundamental Jesus dieticians would say not so fast:

"Slim is how God meant us to be," reasons Judy Halliday, founder of Thin Within, a "grace-oriented" approach to weight loss. Halliday claims to have organized over 170 support groups around the world. Her program attempts to show people "how to reconnect with God and achieve the weight that God meant for them to be."

Well, I tried.

I suppose the moral of the story is place your faith in a higher being... but those turkey leftovers and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups on the highest shelf possible.

Have a blessed Turkey day, Saints. You have lots for which to be thankful, so mane sure you let the Lord - and others - know.

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