Finding out a partner has been unfaithful can be truly devastating. It can leave you feeling hurt and confused. Deciding what to do after the fact is often the hardest part. With the flurry of emotions that come from hearing the news, it can be extremely difficult to think clearly, and you may find yourself doing or saying things you may never have dreamt of. It is important, at this time, to remove yourself as completely as possible from the situation. You will need time on your own to think.
The first and probably most important thing you can do is evaluate whether the relationship is worth salvaging. In order for you and your partner to continue to be together, you need to question whether or not you will ever be able to trust that person again. Trust is a key component in a relationship, and without it, everything else will fall apart. Keep in mind that your faith in your partner will not return overnight, and it is possible that it may never return at all. If you do not feel as though you will ever be able to trust them, then it is in your best interest to end things and move on with your life.
If you’ve decided that you’re willing to give it another shot, make sure that you can continue the relationship with the knowledge that your loved one has betrayed you. Though you cannot be expected to forget what happened, you must be able to forgive them in order to move on. This may be incredibly hard to do, but it is necessary in order to avoid a vicious circle of mistrust and revenge.
Next, it’s time to start healing process---not only for yourself, but your relationship as well. This can be the most lengthy step, as a lot of effort and emotion needs to be invested. To begin, work on coming to terms with everything on your own. Once you’ve accepted the infidelity and made strides toward forgiveness, it’ll be time to start mending things with your partner.
Make sure to be very open with them about your feelings toward the situation. Do not be afraid to express the amount of pain and distress it has caused you. It is imperative that they understand what you are dealing with due to their actions and that the damage is irreversible. Try to keep a level head, and if you are finding it too painful to talk about it, walk away until a time that you are feeling more comfortable in voicing your concerns, and if needed, have a mutual friend mediate.
When talking with your partner, be sure to work on finding the reason behind the cheating. Once you’ve discovered the reasoning and dealt with, it’s important to eradicate the conditions that led to the act. Ensure that the person they were unfaithful with is out of the picture---permanently. It is your right to ask your partner to never see that person again, and if they are truly sincere about fixing things, they won’t object.
Remember that your relationship will never be the same. Even if you learn to trust them again, it will be impossible to go back to the way things were. This is not to say that it will never be good again, but you are starting from square one, and it is not recommended that you jump back into the old routine. Give yourselves time, and eventually, it will be behind you, and you’ll be able to enjoy your time together again.
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