Photo: Shamontiel L. Vaughn, photo of one of the seven deadly sins taken at the entrance of Six Flags Great's Fright Fest
After watching Thursday night’s Part 1 reunion with Bravo’s cast on “The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” one conversation stuck out—NeNe Leakes’ rationale that her non-biological father, Curtis, should reach out to her instead of the other way around when both parties found out that he was not her real dad. Her response: “I feel like he should reach out to me. I’m the child in the case. I am the one who endured everything that they did as adults.” But when another cast member, Sheree Whitfield, was asked who should call who, Sheree responded by saying, “I think that sometimes you have to let everything go. Be the bigger person and just reach out to him.” The key words here were “bigger person.” Regardless of whether you agree with NeNe or Sheree, how often do you decide to be the bigger person even if you think you’re right?
There are some people who apologize for everything, even if it’s not their fault, just to keep the peace. These are the people who panic at the thought of someone being mad at them or peacemakers who would rather everything be calm. Then there’s the other side—the ones who thrive off of debates, love to prove people wrong, and even if they’re completely wrong, the debaters would rather die than apologize. Which group do you fit into? What makes you continue to go in that path? Are you usually the bigger person?
The tricky thing about being the bigger person is you have to want to continue that relationship. Sometimes apologizing in an argument, regardless of whether you’re right or wrong, can lead you back into a relationship with someone you really don’t want to be associated with. In that case, it may be better to just part ways peacefully without anybody saying they’re right or wrong. This is the problem with peacemakers and pushovers. Even if they know the relationship is not good for them, they’ll continue to apologize, which gives the person who can oftentimes be wrong another opportunity to mistreat the apologizer.
On the other hand, the people who won’t apologize or be polite even if they know the relationship is a great one will lose out on a fulfilling camaraderie solely from pride. And in the end, the stubborn person who feels like the words “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” are fatal and heinous words will end up regretting it later. Even if you don’t want to say “I’m sorry” or “I apologize,” simple greetings like “Hello,” “How are you?” and “Good to hear from you” also work. They break the ice without pointing the finger.
So when is it necessary to be the bigger person by apologizing or being cordial?
- Be the bigger person when you want to continue with the relationship you’ve had with the other person.
- Be the bigger person when you know you’re wrong and have started a dramatic argument with someone, but the issue is really not about that person. You just needed someone to blame.
- Be the bigger person when you are absolutely positive that the other person wants you back in her life but is too stubborn to come forward.
- Be the bigger person if it’s going to cause discomfort to those around you if you two are forced to continue communicating (ex. co-workers, cliques of friends, family members). Making peace doesn’t mean you two have to be friends or lovers, but it just puts you two at a neutral point where the people around you don’t feel a cold breeze when you two are within 10 feet of each other.
- Be the bigger person as long as you wouldn’t hesitate to tell this person “I love you.” As long as you love a person, you should be able to be the bigger person because everybody you like is not everybody you love, but the few people you love are some phenomenal people.
- Be the bigger person as long as you wouldn’t hesitate to tell this person “I’m in love with you.” There are very few people that you can fall deeply in love with. If the argument is not big enough to separate the two of you indefinitely, why not squash the argument?
- Be the bigger person when you can’t even remember what you two were arguing about. It obviously was not that important if you can’t recollect it right away so why hold onto the hate when the obstacle has diminished?
For more info:
Former Xscape and 'Housewives of Atlanta' member Kandi Burruss' ex-fiance killed in strip club brawl
Comments