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Are you tired of people talking behind your back?
When you leave the high school scene, you might think that the gossiping and backstabbing calms down. But contrary to that optimistic belief, sometimes it gets worse. Look at some of the more popular articles in your everyday magazine or the biggest hits about celebrities on Google. There’s a high chance that gossip is ruling. So what do you do when you’re the center of gossip and consistently being talked about?
First understand that there’s a difference between someone telling a story that involves you and that person dragging your name through the mud. Every time someone tells an anecdote that involves you, their intentions may not be mean-spirited. Just like you may want to vent about something going on in your life, that person may want to as well. Just like you may want to tell your side of a story, that person may want to do the same. Just like you may want to tell an interesting story or information, that person may want to do this too. But it doesn't always mean that person doesn't like you.
According to Merriam Webster dictionary, a gossip as a noun is “a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others” and gossiping is a “rumor or report of an intimate nature.”
With a vague definition like reporting on something intimate, this could very well involve you and another person too, but the gossiping may not be meant to “hate” on you. There is a difference between someone telling the truth about a situation and “hating.” Hating on someone means to be jealous of that person and purposely make mean comments about this person on a continuous basis with the intentions of destroying his character. However, if you’re consistently doing negative things, a “hater” really doesn’t have to help destroy your character. You’re doing it all by yourself while everyone else is just observing.
So how do you avoid being the center of attention and stay out of gossip?
Tip One: Try not to gossip, or if you do want to vent, tell a very limited circle of people who can actually keep private matters private. Everyone you hang out with is not necessarily someone you should divulge information to. When you gossip, the chances of your story being repeated and remixed are much more likely.
Tip Two: Avoid anonymous questions or people who start a story with “promise you won’t tell," "I heard a rumor about you" or “I’m not supposed to tell anybody, but.” Chances are if that person is promising she won’t tell or she’s not supposed to tell anyone, she’s probably telling your private information too. And if the person won't even own up to who made the statement or reveal herself, she already knows she's trying to suck you into gossip.
Tip Three: Mind your business. Oftentimes people who get caught up in rumors and “haters” are also ones who have done the same. Karma is consistent. What goes around always comes back around, and when it’s your turn to be the object of deception, you won’t like it.
Tip Four: If you like to avoid controversy, this may be a challenging tip for you, but one of the most effective ways to avoid a rumor is to go to the source of an issue. If you know who the person is who is spreading lies or embarrassing information about you, approach that person to have a one-on-one conversation. Find out why this person continues to talk about you. As much as you may deny that you care, if it aggravates you to hear your name constantly being misrepresented, why not talk to the person who continues to do it? Try to keep the conversation calm. Or, ask that person to reveal him or herself who felt the need to bring the gossip to you. If the person is bold (and bored) enough to tell you about the rumor, why not be bold enough to express the reason why he told you this information?
Tip Five: Burning bridges is a controversial method, but it can surely help you avoid a lot of nonsense. If you remove yourself from a negative situation with those who you don’t trust, they’ll have less information to talk about unless they decide to create rumors anyway. But be careful with burning bridges. You may be mad for the moment and get over it or you may have not tried Tip Four. If you see that even speaking to this person one-on-one has not helped the rumors stop, leave the person alone completely. Sooner or later, he’ll move on to someone else. It may not be the person who made the statement who is the problem. It could be the person who is running around repeating information who is the real troublemaker.
Tip Six: Ignore people who really are hating on you. You cannot stop people from talking about you outside of talking to the person or physical violence. When you’re on a person’s mind that much, you’re obviously very important to her. That or she really wants to see some drama, and in that case, don’t humor her. The O'Jays created a song called "Back Stabbers" that talked about people smiling in your face and talking about you behind your back. President Barack H. Obama took Jay-Z’s advice and “brushed the haters off” when then-Senator Hilary Clinton was running for president. Rappers Swizz Beatz and Jadakiss wrote a song about “Who’s Real?” Your dilemma is not unique, but it doesn’t have to be everlasting. Flick your shoulder, and move on with your life.
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Comments
Good article. I hate idle gossip and prefer to go directly to the source if I want to know something. Speaking through people is a pet peeve of mine. If you have a problem talk the person it directly involves.
A.M., thanks for checking me out. I was inspired to write this one after getting an extremely childish SpringForm question and anonymous email with all of this he said/she said stuff in it from some guy I networked with years ago. It took me about three days to figure out who sent it and who it was about, but the reporter in me HAD to know. However, the whole time (especially after I found out who was keeping up the drama) I was thinking, "How empty is your life that you would take the time to contact me about this foolishness? If he and I aren't speaking, then we left well enough alone. So why are YOU minding OUR business?" I guess I should thank the pitiful person who contacted me, but I was really disgusted by the whole ordeal.
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