Photo: Shamontiel L. Vaughn
The whole point of a monogamous relationship is to have exclusive sex with one partner. If the woman is on birth control and the man says he’ll be true to only her, what happens when one of them decides they want to use condoms anyway? Asking your partner to use a second form of birth control may cause a bit of friction in the relationship. One partner may wonder, “Why do we need to use condoms when it’s just the two of us?” While birth control pills, the birth control patch, and other forms of birth control like diaphragms do help to eliminate an unplanned pregnancy, none of this contraception protects from STDs. But if both partners claim to be exclusive, why bother with worrying about STDs?
Frankly, it’s next to impossible for someone to willingly want to get an STD, so all STDs are a surprise. The most hurtful STDs are the ones that come from a partner that the other would be shocked to find out was cheating. However, we’ve all heard the commercials, seen the television shows, and watched the soap operas of someone being untrue. We’ve had friends, relatives, co-workers, and associates who have had their feelings hurt by an unfaithful partner. Cheating happens, but cheating and getting an STD don’t have to happen hand in hand. At no point and time is it too late to use contraception to prevent STDs.
Although it may look like one partner is being accusatory by asking the other partner to use a female or male condom, either party has the right to do so. To ease the discomfort of asking a partner to use condoms when they previously weren’t used, try the following techniques:
- Explain that condoms and birth control pills together can help prevent pregnancy better, especially if one form of contraception fails
- Tell your partner you’d prefer to use condoms over birth control pills or the patch because of the side effects (ex. spotting, random menstrual periods, cramping)
- Explain to your partner that some types of condoms can give similar sensations to raw sex (ex. ribbed condoms)
- If the guy doesn’t want to use condoms, use a female condom so he can try out how it feels to have sex using a condom on her end
And if the excuses fail, both partners should just be honest with each other. Sex should be a comfortable and open topic. And if one person is hesitant, then that can hinder the growth of the relationship no matter the reason.
For more info:
"Condom fitting, sizes, and allergies"
"How to recognize, discuss and purchase non-latex condoms for latex allergies"
"How to use a condom during oral sex, HIV and AIDS transmitted through oral sex"
"How to be sexually responsible in a relationship"
Comments
Asking a partner to use condoms is the responsible and most respectful thing you can bring up when sex is the topic and here's why. Most people don't fully devulge their complete sexual history in a week, month or even a years time. Although the woman may be on birth control and has been in an exclusive relationship with someone I would suggest maybe to ease the friction of asking the partner to wear a condom how about asking the partner to go and take a full STD exam with you. If they have a problem with that then they shouldn't have a problem with wearing a condom. If you take the tests and everything comes back ok it should be a go. If your partner proclaims to be true to only you and suggest condoms anyway especially when there's birth control being taken then that could only mean one thing and that is that they don't trust you enough to put their lives in your hands. Not yet anyway.
Shuntal, The only problem with that is I've met married couples who have ended up with HIV/AIDS because they didn't know their partner was using drugs or cheating. So even in a monogamous relationship, you're just never really that sure. And how many people do you know that haven't been cheated on? The odds are just against them. Until people really start respecting monogamy, I say use condoms and birth control all the time. Another reason to use both is because if both of you are not ready for kids, that's an even better chance of unexpected pregnancy.
I make a point of letting any guy I've dated know that we will not do anything without a test. Some guys have flat out distanced themselves completely after I said that. One guy made excuses for TWO months. And this is where I messed up. I kept convincing myself that if we're using condoms, what's the harm? But I ended up being so bitter about it that I broke up with the guy three times over this. Now I refuse to compromise.
I agree with what you're saying as far as single people go. But marriage is suppose to be a monogamous and sacred institution. The only reason to wear a condom in those cases would be the prevention of unwanted pregnancies. To ask your spouse to wear one for any other reason would certainly cause a problem within the relationship. If drugs are the reason and you're willing to stick it out with them then you tell them why we're not having sex PERIOD until you get cleaned up an tested. A drug addict trying to keep his or her family will do so. If your spouse is cheating then that goes way beyond wearing a condom. If you think your spouse is cheating then sex is not on your mind anyway (especially for women). But in this day and age you are right, people cheat, men on the down low and drugs put you at a risk but ask yourself this, it's your spouse and you have no proof. What do you do and how do you do it?
I really can't answer that one because I've never met anybody worth marrying. I may have a completely different outlook on marriage once/if I get married. However, volunteering with HIV/AIDS organizations and finding out about black women who got HIV/AIDS from what they thought were exclusive and monogamous relationships and marriages kinda bugged me out. Magic Johnson is a prime example of that. Even if you have no proof, does that means your spouse has every right to have unprotected sex with you even when women's intuition kicks in? I feel like if the woman ever has any doubt in her mind, she should ask him to use condoms or use female condoms herself. But if she doesn't want to be pregnant, that surely does help because no form of birth control protects against STDs.
Another problem with the topic of marriage is if a couple doesn't break up due to money, it's infidelity, and you have to wait for the person to cheat to even act on it. It's one thing to cheat and both of you walk away from the relationship. It's another to cheat and you're stuck with something this person gave you for the rest of your life.
why heidi klum a married woman have condom in her purse???+
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