Good man checklist
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Many women fall head-over-heels for a guy based on all the wrong qualities. They are intrigued with men who are mysterious, interesting, sexy, handsome, affluent and passionate, and although those are all very attractive traits, they are not the qualities that really matter. While a good man can certainly have all of those qualities, they don’t identify a man as truly good. Before you lose your heart to the wrong guy, make sure he is worth it.
Use the “Good Man Checklist” below to properly assess if your guy is a good man and worth keeping, or whether he is simply an intriguing guy who is fun for the moment. The first letters in the “Good Man Checklist” spell out the word PLEASURE.
P - Provider
L - Loyal
E - Empathetic
A - Aspiring
S - Selfless
U - Useful
R - Rational
E – Endearing
Provider
Is he a good provider or is he a financial drain? Being in a partnership should be accretive, rather than burdensome. It doesn’t mean that he must be the sole family breadwinner, but he must have the ability to take the reins when you are out of commission—for example, during pregnancy or while breastfeeding. A truly good man enjoys providing for his loved ones and would never feel comfortable freeloading, or taking financial advantage of his woman, or her family.
Loyal
Is he loyal? Can you trust that he will not stray or abandon you emotionally? You need someone who has your back and will be there for you during times of need. This is the advantage of a partnership. A fair-weather friend is someone who only sticks around for the good times, whereas, a loyal man will stand by you through the thick and thin and will not stray when someone else catches his eye.
Empathetic
Is he empathetic? Does he care about other’s feelings? A man who lacks empathy is unable to follow the golden rule of ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you’. They simply don’t have the capacity to put themselves in another person’s shoes. Is he kind to animals and children? Does he have compassion for other people? Empathy is essential for sharing a loving partnership and is a prime indicator of a good man.
Aspiring
Does he aspire for improvement, or is he complacent and accepting of mediocre? A man who is consistently moving forward is someone who not only wants to better himself, but also wants to improve the quality of life for the people he loves. A man who simply accepts his flaws and faults, and is unwilling to change, adjust, or improve, will always be stagnant and lazy, proclaiming, “Well, that is just how I am!” He will be stuck in his ways and rigid in his limitations. Straddle yourself with a guy who continuously aspires for greatness, and has high aspirations with a willingness to grow, learn, and expand.
Selfless
Is he self-less or selfish? A self-less man will sacrifice his needs for the greater good of his family. A relationship requires compromise and being a good parent requires sacrifice on many levels. Someone who is selfish and puts their own needs ahead of the family or relationship, will not end up being a good partner.
Useful
Is he useful or is he a lump on the couch? A useless man is just that -useless. A woman can be helpless all by herself. She doesn’t need help being helpless. A good man is competent enough to get things done by himself and resourceful enough to find someone else to do the things he cannot.
Rational
Is he rational or an irrational hothead? Maintaining a happy, healthy, relationship can be challenging at times, and requires mature communication, analysis, and the ability to be self-critical and thoughtful. Someone who easily loses their temper, and lacks rational, problem-solving skills, will be nearly impossible to live with in the long term.
Endearing
Is he endearing to you or is he unkind and hurtful? Keeping the magic alive in a romantic relationship takes effort and should never be neglected or taken for granted. Being sweet, loving, and endearing to each other will help prevent the natural irritation that occurs when living and compromising with someone. You have to tend to a relationship much like tending to a flower garden. Neglect it and you will have a bed of weeds, but tend to it lovingly and you will have a bed of beautiful, aromatic blooms.
Use the “Good Man Checklist” to measure the worth of your guy before you invest your heart. Although intriguing men are mysterious, interesting, sexy, handsome, affluent and passionate, they are not necessarily good men. Hopefully, your good man will also have all those other intriguing qualities, but in the long run, the first letters of the “Good Man Checklist” spell out the word PLEASURE. While the first letters in the intriguing man checklist spell out something else:
M - Mysterious
I - Interesting
S - Sexy
H - Handsome
A - Affluent
P - Passionate
_________________________________
Good Man Check List
On a Scale of 1 to 5, rate your guy on the PLEASURE principal
Is he a good provider or is he a financial drain?
____P – Provider 1 2 3 4 5
Can you trust that he will not stray or abandon you emotionally?
____L – Loyal 1 2 3 4 5
Does he care about others’ feelings?
____E – Empathetic 1 2 3 4 5
Does he aspire for improvement, or is he complacent and accepting of mediocre?
____A – Aspiring 1 2 3 4 5
Is he self-less or selfish?
____S – Selfless 1 2 3 4 5
Is he useful or is he a lump on the couch?
____U – Useful 1 2 3 4 5
Is he rational or an irrational hothead?
____R – Rational 1 2 3 4 5
Is he endearing to you or is he unkind and hurtful?
____E – Endearing 1 2 3 4 5
____Total (If your total is less than 24 you may not have a “Good Man”)
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Comments
As someone who studied gender identification and social constructions of gender in college, this was an interesting read and I applaud you for highlighting many good qualities that exist in lots of real men out there. Too often I find that women (and society at large) expect men to fit the typical, regressive definitions of masculinity (suppressed emotions, sole breadwinner, obsessed with sexual conquest, "tough guy" mentality), while those that don't are considered "gay" or "feminine." So again, kudos to you for highlighting the fact that truly good men possess these gender-neutral qualities.
My question to you is, given that these qualities that you outlined are (or I believe, should be) gender-neutral, do you expect the same of good women? Our society, with its focus on victimizing and weakening women, makes it easy to forget that there are also plenty of shallow women out there who use and abuse good men with the qualities you outlined. Do you hold women to these same standards?
I love this comment. I would hope the author of this article does hold women to the same standard. If you expect more from your man than you expect from yourself, then, well, I think the man needs to ask if YOU are worth it.
Also, please understand that I am fully aware of all the dishonest men out there who view women as sexual conquests and sadly do fulfill all of the social requirements of masculinity. I'm not trying to underplay the issues that women deal with, I'm simply asking the question that seems to me to be the least often addressed because men are rarely viewed as "relationship victims" in our culture.
Thanks for your time. :)
Great article - should be required reading for all high school girls, or maybe even younger! Discussion afterwords would be helpful too (so that it sinks in). In fairness, a good woman checklist would be good too. (And reading should not be limited to the 18 and under crowd; I know some 30-40sh's that haven't got it down yet.)
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